Grief Group

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Clarissa

January 28, 2014

For months, I have been trying to drag myself to the grief support group but it just never happened. Today I will get myself there if I have to crawl. I know it will be good for me, ultimately. But I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna.

The words “grief management” sound very cold and intellectualizing. But I find them very apt. If this state isn’t managed and even scheduled (at least, in my case), the road to darkness opens ahead of one.

I really wish I were (still) a drinking person. But this was one of the joys the analyst stole from me.

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12 responses to “Grief Group”

Evelina Anville

January 28, 2014

I think a support group sound wonderful. But I agree “grief management” does sound a bit clinical. Is it beause of your grief that your analys forbade alcohol? Or just in general?I would be so sad without my glass of wine with dinner. It seems like such a harmless pleasure!

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1. Clarissa
  
  January 28, 2014
  
  An analyst doesn’t forbid. 🙂 He cured me even though we never even discussed it.
  
  I think I will blog about it later in case people find this interesting.
  
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  1. Clarissa
    
    January 28, 2014
    
    I meant “cured” me. It wasn’t like it was at a disease level.
    
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  2. Evelina Anville
    
    January 28, 2014
    
    So do you believe that any ingestion of alcohol is indicative of a deeper issue or problematic in some capacity? (Just wondering. I’m not taking it as a judegement.) 🙂
    
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    1. Clarissa
      
      January 28, 2014
      
      No, no, absolutely not. There is healthy drinking and unhealthy. I will write about this later.
      
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  3. Evelina Anville
    
    January 28, 2014
    
    Also, I forgot to say that I wish you strength and healing. I’m glad you are doing this and I’m so impressed with your strength. I really admire how you have handled your grief. 🙂
    
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musteryou

January 28, 2014

What cured me of a lot of things was to stop reaching for transcendence. For example, I recently made a very ironic comment to an American about logical consistency and politics, and she arched up and complained that she couldn’t understand what I said and furthermore didn’t like my tone. In fact, as I had explained I was commenting on the implicit tone of another person by drawing out the logical implications of their comments if they were to be made wholly consistent. But then I remembered that Americans don’t understand irony. I could take this as hurtful in terms of how I would have liked the world to be, or I could draw painful conclusions about the limits of communication, but none of that is necessary. I already understand the psychology of defending oneself by complaining that the other person’s communication skills are not up to par. It’s very common. So I don’t experience heartache at my inability to change the world. That’s not up to me. The world is what it is. I fold into its general formlessness and continue along. This is how Bataille’s concepts of immanence and formlessness have been very good for my mental health. Very good indeed!

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1. musteryou
  
  January 28, 2014
  
  Ok, who downvoted this and why? Honestly the passive aggressiveness of Yanks. Yanking themselves day and night. That’s not communication, ya know?
  
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  1. musteryou
    
    January 28, 2014
    
    Who downvoted this and why? What I am referring to in the above video is an understanding of the limits that can be attained and the satisfaction with being who one is, even if that is limited. That is very, very different from being passive aggressive and not wanting to explain oneself.
    
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  2. Clarissa
    
    January 28, 2014
    
    Maybe people think you are not helping. But I find all of your comments to be very soothing. All you say is very helpful to me because I feel that we have this shared way of approaching many things.
    
    So, folks, stop downvoting Jennifer. She is helping! Whatever she does is working on me.
    
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    1. musteryou
      
      January 28, 2014
      
      Yes, I didn’t think YOU would be downvoting, because you seem thick skinned, and you know I am just talking about intellectual things in a rather impersonal way. But it is good to know I’m helping. 🙂
      
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Shakti

January 29, 2014

Talking with people who’ve had similar experiences and can empathize does help. And therapists bring their own experiences to the table even when they try not to.

It sounds intellectualizing but it’s not and hopefully it will be helpful because I suspect you intellectualize your feelings as a defense against feeling them.

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