Sexual Harassment at CU-Boulder

 A large portion of the faculty either were “not knowledgeable about the harms of sexual harassment,” or were “not sufficiently familiar” with university policy, state law, or federal law.

And those who were? Not to worry, they used their sharp analytical minds for the noblest possible purpose: to employ “pseudo-philosophical” discourse, in a valiant effort to comply with the harassment policy’s letter, but not its spirit. If a hand smacks an ass, but nobody in HR hears it, does it make a sound?

I know it isn’t right to find any aspect of this funny, but it’s Schuman’s fault I’m laughing right now.

I’m in Hispanic Studies, and I’ve been to quite a few of these alcoholic bonding feasts. The worst thing that happened to me was getting followed around by a very drunk luminary in my field, telling me very insistently that I’m fat. I’ve also met some grabby profs, but the body part of mine that people always want to fondle is my hair. This is better than getting other body parts fondled, but it’s still unpleasant.

I have also seen quite a few senior faculty members make themselves look really ridiculous as a result of imbibing huge amounts of alcohol. There was this prof whose eye-glasses ended up sitting in a very crooked way on his nose, so he kept asking everybody why he couldn’t see right. Everybody was too mean (or too scared of him) to tell him the truth.

In my experience, what contributes a lot to creating an intolerable environment is the obnoxious habit of those male grad students who are total losers and who never publish anything or even have anything interesting to say in class to spread vicious rumors about people (especially women and gay male students). These idiots try to soothe their vanities by telling everybody that the only reason why their female and gay male colleagues are more successful is that they have been sleeping with everybody in sight.

Losers.