I was having lunch with two friends who are second generation American feminists in their sixties.
“So what is your new car like?” one asked.
“Oh, I don’t know yet,” I said. “I let N choose it, negotiate for it, test drive it, etc. It will be a total surprise for me.”
The two friends looked at me like I was deranged.
“I’d never let anybody choose MY CAR,” one said emphatically.
“I’d never let A MAN choose anything for me,” the other one agreed.
“This is my huge feminist victory, ladies,” I explained.
The feminists were puzzled.
“How do you mean?” they asked.
“You see,” I said, “we all want the same thing, equal rights and responsibilities, right? It’s just that you, the American feminists, and we, the Soviet feminists, are moving towards this goal from opposite directions. You are moving towards more responsibility and control, while we move towards less. It is an enormous victory over myself to accept that I don’t have to control everything 24 damn hours of every damn day. I can have a partner who has his own separate area of responsibility while I have mine.”
Clarissa's Blog 
I can top that: my husband picked out our HOUSE. We talked a lot about it, and he sent me pictures, but it was mostly all him. Time was tight, we were prepping for a cross-country move with two small children, we were determined to stop renting, and we were in agreement on our housing priorities–it was a no-brainer.
Are these things gender issues or just relationship-autonomy-control-trust issues? It seems like in both our situations, it doesn’t boil down to “who is the boy and who is the girl,” but any number of other factors. Presumably, there are some decisions over which you’d NEVER relinquish control to your partner and others in which it makes perfect sense. And who knows, maybe after a few years of driving in American you will come to identify so closely with your wheels that you’ll insist on picking the next car yourself? .
LikeLike
I decided to buy the house, I picked the house, I will remodel and design everything in the house. I’m guessing there is some area where I needed to let it go and stop controlling everything. So the car is what’s left. 🙂
“Presumably, there are some decisions over which you’d NEVER relinquish control to your partner”
– Until recently, it was absolutely everything including absolutely everything in his own life. 🙂 That’s our culture, that’s how we grew up, and any departure from it is a big freaking deal. 🙂 Every time when I hear myself say, “You know what, I’m OK with you making that decision”, I feel extremely weird.
LikeLike
The only caveat has to do with ergonomics and visibility. I wouldn’t let someone who is 6’4″ select a car for 5’5″ me, and I wouldn’t presume to tell a 6’4″ person, oh sure it’s fine, you should have plenty of leg room. I have to be able to adjust the seat so that I can see over the dash! Leg room isn’t an issue for me.
LikeLike
Would you please stop using feminism whenever it suits your personal agenda? Most normal people would call it assigning the job to the more qualified person. No wonder nobody takes feminists seriously any more if letting someone else choose the color and make of your car is called a feminist victory.
LikeLike
No, I would not. Why ask questions when you know what the answer will be?
LikeLike
It’s a mystery how anybody can read this post and think it’s about a car. An absolute mystery.
LikeLike