So you know how this was supposed to be the best semester of my career? I handed in my tenure dossier, there is zero research pressure since my book came out this year, and the worse my student evaluations are at the end of the semester, the better for me.
But it turned out to be a really crappy semester, and the worst part is that I’m not sure why. The courses I teach are all higher-level, and I love them. The students are the best ever, active, engaged. There is almost no service. Well, that’s always the case but still. I don’t have to wait for the bus and can get everywhere easily.
For some reason, I constantly feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and drowning in work. And I’m not like that as a person. I don’t like such people, so how come I’m one of them, and for no discernible reason, too?
It’s gotten to the point where I’m greeting my husband’s arrival home from work with, “I’m afraid the house is about to explode, quick, do something!” And all that because I’ve been haunted by images of gas leaks and explosions.
My only guess as to the reasons for this bizarre state of affairs is that I have accumulated exhaustion. And there is no immediate remedy for that.
To counteract all this whining, I want to share that I just discovered that somebody has already written the exact article I was planning to write, and this makes me very happy. Since the argument already exists out there, I can build upon it and take much further.
Clarissa's Blog 
The most obvious solution is that you are lacking in the pressure/busy-ness that (for you) is necessary to live life well. Find something difficult to keep yourself busy with, and you may feel better
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The thread is young but it is already flourishing with insight.
Ok, I definitely need to think about this more.
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For some reason, I constantly feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and drowning in work.
OK, I think you should show this post to your provost or whoever makes tenure decisions, because you are clearly ready for tenure! 🙂
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So you are saying that this is a trick that my subconscious is playing to convince my colleagues I’m really one of them? That is very profound. And it does ring eerily true.
Thank you, this gives me food for thought!
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Would you previously feel relaxed when you were on a bus and now that you’re driving yourself, you’re having to be alert and fully engaged for that time period instead?
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Maybe you’re picking psychic vibes from me. I’m trying to learn computer networking and seriously wishing they had split the introductory class into two parts.
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I’ve been feeling this exact same way, to the point where I broke down in angry tears at my therapist’s office because I was confused and frustrated. I’m in the most amazing high-level theory classes, I have all of my paperwork and letters of recommendation ready for applying to graduate school, and I just got a cozy well-paying but low-stress student job. Yet here I was angry, snapping at everyone not to disturb me, and convinced that calamity was on the horizon.
My therapist advised me to metaphorically shed everything that I had in my life, and then pick up the things that were still worth keeping. So far, it’s working like a charm.
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My therapist advised me to metaphorically shed everything that I had in my life, and then pick up the things that were still worth keeping.
Oh I love this idea, what a brilliant suggestion, I need to do this too.
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Sympathy about exhaustion, perhaps it really is just accumulated stress and now you need some time to get over it? I had friends who went on sabbatical and felt like this for several months before they were able to relax and enjoy the sabbatical.
I really admire your positive attitude about someone publishing an article you wanted to publish. In sciences this is called scooping and usually if someone scoops you that causes much frustration and panic (particularly for junior academics if that was something they needed for publications for their promotion).
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There is a let-down after turning in your dossier. That is almost inevitable. Add to that the stress of moving and the anniversary of your son’s death and I think you should realize that your state of exhaustion is totally understandable. Change is stressful even when it is positive.
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