Stop Wanting Things in Other People’s Lives

For those who are tired of posts about Ukraine, let’s discuss how disgusting this kind of parent is.

Poor kid. So small and already saddled with Mommy’s need to engage in a public spectacle of appropriating the daughter’s sexuality.

Note how abusive parents always begin their screeds with attempts to frame their abuse as normal and commonplace. It’s never “I do this to my child.” It’s always “we all do this, this is the only way to be.”

20 thoughts on “Stop Wanting Things in Other People’s Lives

  1. How sad and weird; policing her daughter’s sexuality, book choices, even her role playing with toys. Especially saddening that she wears it as a badge of honor; the whole article is about the author, hardly any mention of the little girl as a separate individual.


  2. I really can’t understand …. humans like this. Is it massive insecurity that makes them want carbon copies of themselves rather than unique individuals?

    The appeal to “everyone X” just makes it weirder. I can’t imagine wanting another person in my life at all that’s just exactly like me*. The whole point in other people is providing some variety and not to be holding up mirrors to you all the time.

    *I’m kind of like the Steve Buscemi character in Ghost World: “I don’t want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests. ”

    I also used to identify with his “I can’t relate to 99% of humanity. ” but through hard work and persistance (sp?) I’ve got that down to 97 (okay 98).


  3. I agree. This is really problematic. And I think it’s particularly problematic to want to direct a child’s sexuality. Sexuality is (nearly by definition) intimate and personal and it’s creepy to have any stake in that.


    1. And the story of correcting her daughter’s playtime with “gentle” reminders? Is really problematic. Let the child imagine her playtime family structure as she chooses.


      1. Exactly. What is the probability that this kid will grow up unaware of gay parents? Obviously, it’s nil. So what is the purpose of these interruptions? It can only be one thing: control.


  4. P.S. And the posts on Ukraine are interesting and informative. Don’t worry to keep posting– even if those posts get less commentary. 🙂


        1. “It’s hard to know what to say since I don’t know very much about Ukraine, except that you have my sympathies.”

          • Thank you. I’m not normally into crying but I cry over this war every day. And I feel bad for the Russians, too, I can’t help it. Nobody should be dying like that, for absolutely no reason, and still so young. This is a horrible crime against humanity.


  5. [edited for shrieking]

    It just bugs the hell out of me to watch this woman speculate about her kid’s sexual orientation in a national newspaper. If saying things like “Oh your son is going to be a lady killer when he grows up” or “she’s a flirt” about babies interacting with adults of the opposite sex squicks her out (which I’d bet because she seems on watch for compulsory heterosexuality), why the hell is this ok?
    And notice how the only person in that photo who’s identifiable is the kid.
    Buying some books about families like hers –ok. But directing her stuffed animal play is too much.


    1. “It just bugs the hell out of me to watch this woman speculate about her kid’s sexual orientation in a national newspaper.”

      • It’s like this woman doesn’t realize that the kid is a human being. She will go online soon, her school friends will go online. How will this be a good thing for the child to start hearing “I heard who your Mommy wants you to have sex with”? I’m 38 but if my father (who writes for a small community newspaper back in Canada) published an article titled “I want my daughter to have sex in the missionary position” or whatever, I would be traumatized, to put it mildly.

      “And notice how the only person in that photo who’s identifiable is the kid.”

      • I didn’t notice the photo in the original link. Wow, that’s just too much.


  6. I thought that the straight friend who said, “Don’t you want your daughter to be happy?” might have been misconstrued. That is, the straight friend probably wasn’t saying, “Oh, if you’re gay, you have a terrible life and you cannot be happy because of societal obstacles!” Honestly, I would have said the same thing — don’t you want your daughter to be happy — NOT because I think being gay is a hard life, but because I want my own children to be happy with whomever they are — gay, straight, bi-sexual, whatever. And whatever they are (gay, straight, whatever), that’s none of my business. By saying, “Don’t you want your kid to be happy,” that’s another way of saying, “Don’t you want your child to have her own agency to love whomever feels natural to love, regardless of that beloved’s gender?”

    That’s what I want for my kids — to love whomever they love — and to find deep happiness, satisfaction, and joy in that love, no matter who it’s with. My parents would never have chosen my husband for me. They would have chosen a much more conservative, Christian, and tattoo-free man for me. But I fell in love with him, not my parents’ ideal man. And although hubby and I have had some VERY difficult times, we have suffered through them together and come out the other side very much more in love than we ever had been. I certainly hope that this little kid doesn’t let her mother’s hangups stop her from having meaningful relationships!!


  7. “I thought that the straight friend who said, “Don’t you want your daughter to be happy?” might have been misconstrued.”

    As a non-straight person, what I’d have said in those circumstances would have been that precise phrase. Because seriously, that article was disturbing, and I tend to lose my eloquence when faced with that sort of bullshit face to face.


  8. Let’s remember also that this is a girl. And what message is she getting here? That her sexuality is a matter of public scrutiny and public debate, that her sexuality is a space where other people exercise their wants and needs, that her appearance can be used to make money, and that not even in the space of a game can she exercise full agency. Great messages to send to a girl.


  9. Color me even more of a cynic, but sally kohn is a semi-prominent news figure on cnn I believe? So part of this could basically just be branding as a “liberal lion” who will stand up for gay rights (which is not what she is doing here). Too cynical?? 🙂


    1. I never heard of her before but I definitely believe this is self-promotion and branding. And OK, whatever, but can this be done without dragging a kid into this? This is a very small child still. It is just bizarre and wrong to discuss her in a sexual context. What’s so wrong with having a childhood?


  10. I am not going to defend this idiot writer. We’ve used the there narcissist, and she deserves it without question. That being said, parents influence what children think and do, like it or not. The writer is at least honest about having an agenda. She’s not honest about her inner conflict about wanting her daughter to be able to define herself and yet perhaps disliking the choices the daughter may make. (Most gays seem particularly intolerant of the notions of bisexuality and transgender, for reasons that I just don’t understand.)

    My view is that we should teach acceptance of persons with different beliefs and lifestyles. However, the tolerant is subject to ostracism and attack by the intolerant, much as the artist who preaches coexistence can become a victim of ISIS.

    It’s weird to live in a world in which compassion and weapons training have to go hand in hand.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.