Ideal Classroom Novel

This is what the perfect novel for a high school or a college will be like:

1. Everybody is a eunuch.

2. Nobody ever mentions any distasteful, unpleasant things such as racism, poverty, divorce, violence, species extinction, or disappointing weather.

3. In fact, nobody mentions anything at all because any topic has the potential to offend somebody.

4. There are characters representing all possible identity groups. It’s hard to integrate gay people into the story because, remember, everybody is a eunuch devoid of sexuality. Gayness should be reduced to parenthood because, as we all know, gay people who aren’t mommies and daddies do not exist.

5. The only  topic characters discuss is how important it is to respect everybody’s opinion. Since nobody in the novel ever expresses any opinions, that’s a very easy task.

6. The ending is very happy. And so are the beginning and the middle. 

7. Everybody speaks in clichés. Characters are convinced that perseverance conquers all and the sky is the limit. 

I’m sure we can find a few titles that fit this mold.

2 thoughts on “Ideal Classroom Novel

  1. Gay characters in an ideal classroom novel?!!!

    I do not know of any work of literature mentioning gays which is studied in Israeli secular high schools. (Obviously, it would never appear in religious school system.)

    What you describe would be an ideal novel only in certain, pretty narrow liberal circles.

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