Tired of Justifying

I’m tired of being judged by people for leaving our state healthcare plan. I don’t run around telling people about it and trying to get them to follow my example. But I did reveal this decision publicly for the state legislature testimony. And this, of course, has awakened the anxieties of many people who’d rather not know what’s happening. 

I have explained, in as patient a voice as God has given me the strength to fake, that I have this great personal flaw of not being able to tolerate the anxiety of wondering whether I will be able to see a doctor when I need, whether I’ll start getting huge bills, or whether my credit will be ruined. I have said that I fully recognize that this is a great personal failing of mine and that other people have more robust psyches for which I applaud them. I obviously don’t mean any of it but I want to be left in peace with my decision. 

I can’t be expected to continue existing in this situation for the sake of not intruding on the need people have for obliviousness.


12 thoughts on “Tired of Justifying”

  1. How is the blame game going in Springfield? Are people holding Rauner or the Dem leadership in the Legislature responsible? I read in the NYT that Rauner is rooting for a government shutdown on Friday.


    1. Oh God, this is such a sore question. Everybody I know, literally everybody, including the people who are very much affected by this, are stuck on the both-siderist model. It drives me nuts to hear that the problem is that “both sides are equally guilty”, “the government is broken,” “we need less government for this to stop happening.”


    1. If we had at least collectively adopted the policy of resisting this and I checked out, then ok. But we have collectively adopted the policy that this isn’t happening.


      1. Exactly my point. If there were a protest, one could question your loyalty to the cause. But as long as there is no protest – I do not see why they have a problem with your choices.
        I am not sure why they are confident that nothing will ever happen to them. I am not sure it is about personal virtuousness, I think they just believe that things like that cannot happen in the great U S of A…


  2. I suppose that is more polite than, “I didn’t inherit a personal fortune to piss away on insurance that pays for nothing because the state isn’t meeting its obligations as an employer” or “I was pregnant with my child and I needed to know those visits and prenatal care were covered and would be paid for. She needs care and I can’t afford to wait around for the day in which the state decides on a whim to honor their side of the contract of my employment.”

    I’m still salty about the way one employer handled my insurance.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What kind of deranged nut bolgers are criticising you for wanting health insurance that actualy works?

    I would say “I’d be happy to return to state healthcare the second it actually provides healthcare” or go with my old standby “Excuse me?” until they apologize and go away.


    1. “What kind of deranged nut bolgers are criticising you for wanting health insurance that actualy works?”

      • The ones who are hoping that this will not happen to them because they are particularly virtuous, I guess. Many people literally don’t believe my story of having been turned away by pediatricians. It’s very tiresome constantly to be interrogated about this, especially when I’m not asking anybody for anything. I dealt with my problem on my own.


  4. So did you just decide to do it all out of pocket, or did you find another insurer? I’m on the state for health (it’s not the best policy I’ve ever had, but it is far from bad) but there are additional types of insurance, like for dental, that I don’t use because they aren’t worth it. It is rough because I do have tooth problems and this is part of why I am broke — but the insurance wouldn’t really help.


      1. Right. NB on the state and its weak protections:

        I think that the reason students are to be protected by the state from various scary things I would think they could handle is precisely that the state is not going to protect them from student loan debt, global warming, etc., big things.


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