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Clarissa's Blog

An academic's opinions on feminism, politics, literature, philosophy, teaching, academia, and a lot more.

Advances and Harassment

Harassment is not when a guy makes a romantic advance. It’s when he hears a no and refuses to accept it. 

There’s nothing evil, immoral, or wrong about approaching a person and expressing admiration and / or interest. What is immoral and wrong is insisting after a person makes it clear she is not interested. 

It’s normal for people to want to meet other people, including for romantic purposes. It’s normal to find somebody attractive and want to express your admiration. What’s not normal is failing to understand and accept that the interest might not be mutual. It’s the ones who keep insisting, moaning, begging, and droning on like broken robots that I hate. 

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13 thoughts on “Advances and Harassment

  1. One problem (which might sound weird to someone from your part of the world) is that in traditional NAmerican practice women are almost always supposed to express initial disinterest (lest they be labelled ‘fast’).

    So many men aren’t sure if the ‘no’ was a real, sincere ‘no’ or merely the same polite refusal one is supposed to express (as when offered something by one’s host) or a real refusal. Especially since men aren’t trained in anything like the more subtle forms of communication.

    In Poland (and I assume Ukraine) women are a lot more forthright.

    It’s not just men that have to change in the NAmerican context….

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  2. Anonymous on said:

    Well, Cliff, assuming that you are correct, this may be a result of social conditioning. If men accepted “no” at face value, they would eventually condition the women not to play games. Win-Win…


    https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js

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    • “assuming that you are correct, this may be a result of social conditioning”

      it’s totally social conditioning (including making sure that most men don’t have the communication skills to disentangle form and content

      “If men accepted “no” at face value, they would eventually condition the women not to play games. Win-Win…”

      agreed

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  3. Anonymous on said:

    That was me, valterz… Seems anonymous comments are allowed now…


    https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js

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