Babchenko Is Alive

While I was drowning my sorrows in a trip to a railroad museum, it became known that Russian dissident journalist Babchenko is alive. I’m obviously extremely happy. And here is what I have been able to find out.

A while ago, Russians started warning that there were going to be ISIS attacks in Ukraine. Ukraine’s counterintelligence realized this was Russia’s way to prepare the public opinion for a series of terror attacks in Ukraine that obviously weren’t going to be carried out by ISIS but by Russia itself.

There was a massive counterintelligence operation planned to prevent the killings. Babchenko was target #1 in a list of over 30 intended victims. His staged death was part of the operation, and his wife participated in the plan.

The operation was successful. The contract killer who was going to carry out the assassinations was apprehended. The person who paid the contract killer was apprehended, too. Of course, the people who ordered the hits weren’t apprehended because they are in Moscow but that’s how it always is.

To be honest, I’m kind of stunned that Ukraine finally has the kind of counterintelligence team that can get things done. We are not generally known for being great at getting things done. We are usually known for explaining at great length how nothing can get done. It’s unusual and unusually nice to see Ukrainians in this new role. I was so inspired that I went and conquered the HR webpage that had been defeating me for weeks because I want to be one of those Ukrainians who get shit done.

This is a good day.

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