Valuable

Mike writes:

I love it when I’m struggling with some complex script and my partner comes over and punches it up and makes it work right in about 30 seconds. Shit, that saved me a load of time.

This is very rare. My husband is like this but it’s so rare. I had an unhappy personal life until I met him because it’s very rare. Men get insecure, pouty, and begin to sabotage. And nothing is easier than sabotaging somebody you live with. Of course, it’s all mostly unconscious. More intelligent folks don’t want to recognize that they are threatened by their partner’s success. So they hide it from themselves.

With me it’s especially complicated. You have to take many things on faith. I don’t make much money. But I need tons of time to myself that I spend in what looks like loitering around: reading, thinking, staring at the wall. I also need money for books, for conferences when the university denies funding, for travel. But I need it to be accepted as an article of faith that what I do is valuable. If you are an academic, you know that it’s impossible to live with somebody who doesn’t believe your research is very valuable.

It takes accepting that I’m valuable in my own right and not because of the uses I can be put to as a prop for the perennially wounded male ego.

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2 thoughts on “Valuable”

  1. This is very rare. My husband is like this but it’s so rare. I had an unhappy personal life until I met him because it’s very rare. Men get insecure, pouty, and begin to sabotage. And nothing is easier than sabotaging somebody you live with. Of course, it’s all mostly unconscious. More intelligent folks don’t want to recognize that they are threatened by their partner’s success. So they hide it from themselves.

    What, nothing about how this is just your family model that you had to overcome in order to attract supportive partners?

    N and Marty Ginsburg — in a small group of unicorn men.

    Like

    1. It’s not my family model at all. Like AT ALL. Which was why I was able to rout out N. Men in my family live to serve the women. 🙂 It’s creepy.

      Who’s Marty? He sounds Jewish, so it’s no wonder he’s respectful of women.

      Like

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