Here is a really fun exercise I did today. Draw the following graph (or whatever you call it, I’m not much of a mathematician):
Now put the things and the people that are foundational to your life wherever it feels right. Don’t overthink it. What makes you who you are? What are the things and the people that are central to your sense of self? Arrange them in circles of any size wherever you want on this graph.
Mine, for instance, has books at the very center, my inner life and the capacity to express my thoughts at the bottom, Klara on the right-side arrow, etc. Do yours (come on, it’s just for fun), and then I’ll explain how to glean insight from all of it.
After you have filled the graph, here is how to interpret it:
Turns out that women tend to put their children on the right side of the horizontal axis. I did that, too. These are the women who tend to sacrifice themselves on the altar of “being a good mother,” which is not good. In a healthy situation, children are on thee bottom part of the vertical axis.
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Strange, I put my child in the upper right quadrant too and could not imagine putting him anywhere else.
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I was floored when I saw how it works.
Here’s an interesting question: what did you put at the very center? (You don’t have to tell me if it’s private). What you put in the center is the engine of your life, so to speak. Your fuel.
It’s not surprising that I put “books” at the center.
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I put my inner/emotional life in the center. My hopes and fears.
It is curious that other people would not place it there. It makes me think that I might be more self-centered that I would like to admit. 🙂
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Also, I feel a bit bad that I did not manage to put my job anywhere on the graph. But it is not central to my sense of self, I would lose nothing essential if I changed jobs.
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I didn’t put mine either. I’m not defined by my job. I love it but I would still be me without it. I think it’s healthy.
I’m also the only person at the seminar who put sex on the graph. But then I’m a 45yo woman. It comes with the territory. 🙂
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I put my inner life on the bottom, which means I draw strength from it. But it turns out that your positioning is the healthier one. Because it means you are still actively working on yourself. The absolute no-no is placing other people at the center. It means you are living through them, which isn’t good. For example, if your husband or wife is at the center, that’s not a healthy relationship.
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For me work was on the horizontal left and the pursuit of knowledge was toward the vertical bottom
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Your pursuit of knowledge nourishes and energizes you. I think that’s great.
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