Happy Invalid

On Monday, I twisted my ankle while walking across the office to the microwave. You’d think I have a gigantic office but it’s actually rather small. It was the enthusiastic, not to say desperate, nature of the walk to the microwave that caused the accident.

For the next two days, I used the excuse of the sore ankle to plant myself on my bed after coming home from work and reading for hours.

The ankle healed fast but the memory of the blissful time reading and doing absolutely nothing else whatsoever remained. Now I have a sore knee that justifies my continued bed rest. The pain is very sharp so the rest is very justified.

I’m afraid I’ll turn myself into an invalid because I can’t do what I want to do without an excuse.


6 thoughts on “Happy Invalid

  1. The only reason I exercise is that I have a stationary bike with a book stand. So now exercising is an excuse to read. It means I can blow off the kids, close the door, and read a book, because it’s “very important for my blood sugar numbers” you know.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I have no idea, and I don’t recommend it! It’s the kind you can get for $30 at a thrift shop 😉 It has a supposedly-comfy padded chair thing instead of a bicycle seat, but unless you’re six and a half feet tall and have the femurs of a titan, this means if you’ve been pedaling for more than five minutes, it will start to bruise the backs of your legs, where they hit the edge of the seat. I have to use a gigantic bolster of rolled-up blankets between me and the seat-back, to make it work right– this pushes my butt right up to the edge of the seat. Very much a case of “I have to exercise, my budget is $30, we will MAKE it work”. So… the only recommendations I have about exerbikes are, get one with a seat that looks like a bicycle seat– don’t be fooled by that chair stuff– and a book holder. Beyond that… eh.

        HOWEVER, if you have more than $30 to spend and you’re looking for exercise equipment that lets you read and zone out while using, I highly recommend looking for an elliptical machine. I previously had a very nice one (given me by a cousin). They are large, heavy, and extremely difficult to move, but definitely worth the hassle. Not only could I prop my ereader up on the “iphone” stand, I could fit my whole 3-ring binder of church music on there, and would use my exercise time to learn the week’s music rotation. Plus, ellipticals don’t have the muscle-imbalance/joint-stress and postural issues that you can get with stationary bikes, if you use them too aggressively.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The only reason I exercise is because I’m an old man who wants to get considerably older before I croak. But I think exercising is a pain in the ass, so I have a heavy-duty machine that gets me exhausted in five minutes. 5 min a day X 3 times a week = all the workout I need to keep my EKG looking exactly like it did 50 years ago in medical. school.

    Sorry to hear about your twisted ankle, Clarissa, but smart of you to take advantage of it.


  3. So you have unwittingly become French through your continued manifestation of le malade imaginaire!

    Next you’ll be lounging around in an excessively elegant bath robe which will force you to take stock of your entire life before concluding you were better off with pyjamas.

    Even cat-themed pyjamas will seem like a brilliant idea. 🙂

    After this you will be an avidly unconcerned consumer of the philosophy of The Idlers, upon which you will write a fantastic neo-Dadaist quasi-surrealist post-shock drama in which all of the characters slowly realise that the spaces between the things they’re living for are the things they are living for, and so everything and everyone slowly grinds to near-immobility.

    Your literary agent will sell it as “Waiting for Godot for people who can’t be bothered to do it”, which will incense the likes of Geoff Dyer because there was an idea he could have ran with and made a small fortune in literary works, but didn’t.

    When you’ve finally made it, there will be a stage, and there will be such people in it who expect you to show up and perform, but then of course you don’t.

    That’s so you, after all, because you’re at home reading and can’t be bothered with what seemed like an important public engagement about which you’ve forgotten nearly everything, plus those chilblains from all of that hard non-work are literally nothing to sneeze at.

    Some people will be calling, expecting you to have an explanation, and you will …

    It’s obviously the fault of the French and their damned malade imaginaire that started it all. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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