The Woke Event of the Year

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Clarissa

December 14, 2022

In a hilarious development, you now have to pay to attend the wokest event on campus. Tickets are $50 a pop, which immediately prices out students and staff who have better ways of spending hard-earned $50 than listening to woke speeches for 3 hours.

Since academic departments and programs have received exactly zero dollars and zero cents for the fiscal year that started on July 1, 2022 and can no longer buy even a pack of printer paper without a lengthy bureaucratic process, it’s impossible to buy the tickets with institutional funds.

As a result, the event will become a showcase of who on campus is really scared of losing their job. Nothing but abject fear of demotion or redundancy can motivate people to fork over their own money to be lectured on how evil and oppressive they are.

No, I’m obviously not going. I have marketable skills and great ideas for what to do with my $50.

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One response to “The Woke Event of the Year”

Post Alley Crackpot

December 15, 2022

“… the event will become a showcase of who on campus is really scared of losing their job …”

Not entirely.

Its side purpose is to identify people who are likely to be fools with their money, having parted with $50 foolishly, so that they may be targeted aggressively by multi-level marketing campaigns.

While your first reaction may be to consider this new business, in reality they were already targeted by multi-level marketing campaigns, which of course the “woke event” is meant to focus on as a diversionary tactic in order to obtain more sinister and lasting results.

The people with red-streaked lizard faces and crimson-coloured hands who are resplendent in bespoke suits coveted by investment bankers, Italian mobsters, and UEFA coaches would rather outsiders not stare too awkwardly as it interferes with the marketing incantations needed for “soul repossession”.

But I don’t really see the point.

You can’t repossess something these people never had. 🙂

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