OK, folks, I’ve had a really shitty month. I get rejected for publication, I get sued, my Arabic instructor quits. I need to brag a little to make myself feel better, so bear with me.
I gave a talk today at a local community together with two other speakers and I slaughtered. I was so good. People came up at the end to say they envy my students because I must be the most amazing professor they’ve ever met. I spoke about what it feels like to be a Ukrainian in the US, so it’s great that I represented in a very positive way.
This is big because I used to be a tragically shy person. I couldn’t buy clothes or a cup of coffee at a coffee shop because I was so shy. And now I entertain large groups like it’s completely normal. I refashioned myself completely to achieve this. It was an effort of willpower and doggedness. If I had always been this way, there wouldn’t be anything to brag about. Some people are naturally outgoing and entertaining. But I was a kid who stood alone in a corner during recess and went hungry because I couldn’t muster the strength to buy anything at the school cafeteria. I was a young woman who missed class because I was terrified of going outside, scared that people would think I was ugly, fat, and awkward.
This whole “be who you are” thing is rubbish. If I remained who I was, I’d still be cowering in fear of every human interaction. Don’t be who you are. Be who you need to be.
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