The Theory of Self-presentation

First of all, I have no idea why it works, people, but I know that it does, and it’s very fun. And I know I already mentioned it before but this is for the people who missed it back then and have asked in the anonymous comments to hear about this again.

Look at somebody you know and make a list of words to describe their look. Clothes, shoes, accessories, and the general style of their behavior.

Then turn this list around completely and you’ll know this person’s biggest strengths.

For example, somebody who dresses in a very feminine way, always in cute skirts or dresses, sparkly makeup, blingy accessories. She’s gregarious, goofy, and kind of scattered.

Me, this is me.

What this person hides is a great capacity for focus. Her greatest achievements happen when she is silent. She is aggressive, competitive, and has a male-type subjectivity.

I heard this at a workshop and almost fell out of my chair because yes, that’s me.

The advice we got at the workshop is that if you need to achieve a breakthrough in whatever you are working on, you should take some time to dress and deck yourself out as the opposite of what you normally do. For instance, I should try a male business suit with a shirt in a boring color and sensible shoes. A guy who wears plaid should go with a mint-green shirt and a colorful scarf. A woman in jeans should try a frilly skirt with a lacy blouse. In short, let the secret shadow that hides deep inside and animates everything you do come out for a bit.

12 thoughts on “The Theory of Self-presentation

  1. Ok, and so what if someone is the exact opposite in terms of self-presentation? Sleek but boring clothing, seeking not to stand out in any way, a canonical introvert? Does this person have any actual positive traits that correspond to the inverse?

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    1. This is a person with a sparkly, infectiously fascinating personality. An independent, unusual thinker.

      A person who seeks to not stand out does so because he knows deep inside that he stands out. He’s different. He glows. And the attire aims to hide that.

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      1. Hah, this is exactly my partner 🙂

        Do me now, please, and no flattery 🙂 A mid-thirties woman that dresses younger, a mix of hiking gear, band tshirts (all of these not always in untorn condiion) and the occasional short skirt/dress + leggings. Owns no shoes she can’t hike 20km in. Colors are either dark (black/dark grey), jewel tones, or super colorful. No accessories.

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        1. Ah, a traumatic childhood. Maybe even abuse. A fear to be caught up in a situation where you aren’t allowed to be and do what you want. A complicated personality that will always choose the harder path even when things can be done a lot more easily.

          I did the negative sides purposefully by your request. 🙂

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          1. Ok, this is amazing. You’ve got me down to a T. Especially the last part, it’s the story of my life.

            So if I’m understanding right which personality trait you got from which piece of clothing, I need a pair of really impractical high heels for when I find myself in situations with no obvious solution.

            I’d love to hear the positives as well 🙂

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            1. Of course, this is not a clean experiment because I’m not seeing you. I’m engaging with the text that you wrote and that’s much easier for me. With actual physically present people I do much worse.

              I’d suggest a pastel-colored suit with a knee-length straight skirt and a jacket. And pumps. If you feel an instant rejection of the idea, that means we are on the right path.

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              1. See? That’s what I said. You immediately imagine creating a huge hurdle for yourself and bravely overcoming it. The overcoming must be a real high, isn’t it?

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  2. I deliberately dress in sedate colors and full-coverage clothing. This is not because I’m secretly a rampant extrovert. It’s a deliberate strategy to avoid the attention of norm-enforcers, and the sort of insecure women who regard every other female as potential competition. “I’m super boring, move along” and “definitely not a threat”.

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    1. But that’s exactly it. You dress as a boring, nothing special person, when everybody who reads this blog will testify that you are the opposite of boring. You have a lot of strong, unusual opinions, interesting thoughts. That’s your strength that you are purposefully keeping secret.

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      1. eh, maybe. But why go for a roundabout explanation– when the direct motive is conflict avoidance and an intense dislike of interpersonal drama? Interesting is of course subjective– one woman’s intense enthusiasm is another’s black hole of socially-inappropriate zeal ;) 

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