Award Ceremony

The award ceremony yesterday had 160+ people in attendance. The show was stolen by a department head who climbed onstage to announce his awards and started with, “And the recipient of the Professor Peter Pratchett Memorial Award is…”

Half of the people in the audience gasped. We had all seen Peter on Monday when he bravely stood up to the Chancellor during the yearly budget meeting. Was Peter dead? Had the Chancellor done something to him?

“We established the Peter Pratchett Memorial Award because his great achievements…” droned on the department head.

“My boyfriend is supposed to be writing a test in Pratchett’s course on Friday,” a student sitting next to me chirped. “Is he really… I mean…”

Finally, the department head noticed people waving at him from the back of the room.

“Oh!” he said. “God. What did I say? I didn’t mean Peter Pratchett Memorial Award. I don’t know why I said that. Please don’t tell Peter or it will be my memorial. He’s fine! It’s Peter Pratchett Award, not memorial!”

“Please continue with your department’s awards,” said the Dean dripping with venom. A beautiful fantasy of great savings occasioned by a professor’s passing was being rudely snatched away.

“Yes, so. We are also happy to announce the Jim Lacey Memorial Award,” went on the flustered department head. “Wait, is he dead? Just a second, I want to make completely sure.”

He peered nearsightedlly at his brochure.

“Yes, this one is actually dead!” he announced triumphantly.