With all due respect, how come I, a very middle-aged, not particularly slender woman who looks every minute of her age, keep getting approached, complimented, and engaged with by flirtatious men in all age groups while these young women complain that this doesn’t happen anymore?
Have they stopped to consider that if they don’t get approached it’s not because all women have that problem but because it’s they specifically who don’t get approached?
Throughout human history there have been women who might look fantastic but can’t get a date in the midst of a male prison. We’ve all known such women. It’s not a societal issue but a stupidly physiological one.
Clarissa's Blog 
This is very interesting! Can you explain more, please, and also about how one would change this. Thanks.
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IME, all you have to do to be attractive to men, is treat men like they’re interesting.
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“treat men like they’re interesting”
The word “like” is doing a _lot_ of work there…..
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😉
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Well, you know. Some men really are interesting. Some not so much. But even my completely socially-retarded self has figured out that you can make dudes feel more comfortable at a social gathering if you listen attentively and ask questions about things they are interested in, good at, or have some expertise on. I even learn stuff.
Plus it saves me having to figure out what to talk about…
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“Some men really are interesting”
I guess…. Don’t get me wrong, that’s excellent advice but… a lot of time it’s going to an uphill battle… remember fish guy?
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You’ve got to get approached first, though.
These young women who keep appearing in public and nobody pays attention, I’d suggest visiting an endocrinologist. It might be as simple as a hormonal issue.
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If the hormonal issue is caused by birth control, will it be acknowledged or hand waved away?
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LOL, yeah, it is true that men are easy, but remember, we are not a cinch ;-D
Many modern girls talk about guys that are effeminate soyboys that give them the “ick” — but completely lack the reasoning ability to grasp that the public school system that created them, simultaneously encouraged masculanized girls.
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I think it is objectively true that women don’t get as much approached in real life anymore. All the data show that people “meet” each other online now. Meeting at the workplace is a big no-no. Young people don’t drink as much so bars are out. So are house parties, which are a relic of the past.
Also, phones and social media have contributed to this dynamic. One awkward interaction at the club can be recorded, uploaded, and judged by thousands. The constant presence of cameras and social media can turn a clunky attempt to approach someone into a potential spectacle. It’s not just rejection. It’s surveillance, and that changes how people act. You can’t even fail in private anymore lol.
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Whether men approach women depends a lot on age and class. Middle class young men absolutely are less likely to approach a woman, which is part of why so many of them have never been in a relationship. That said, relationships among the young definitely still exist, so it’s not universal. I do think it makes a difference at the margins.
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This is spot on. It’s absolutely a class issue. Working class men and wealthy men easily approach women. It’s the middle class that struggles.
I happened to be in a place where very rich people hang out a few days ago, and the flirtatiousness from men is at the level of a working-class African American barbecue. People look at each other with great interest.
It was exactly like this in my youth. I’d either get approached by a boy who worked at a small burger joint or one in a Porsche. By approached, I mean men who’d try to strike up an acquaintance in the street, without any pretext.
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This is spot on. It’s absolutely a class issue. Working class men and wealthy men easily approach women. It’s the middle class that struggles.
I happened to be in a place where very rich people hang out a few days ago, and the flirtatiousness from men is at the level of a working-class African American barbecue. People look at each other with great interest.
It was exactly like this in my youth. I’d either get approached by a boy who worked at a small burger joint or one in a Porsche. By approached, I mean men who’d try to strike up an acquaintance in the street, without any pretext.
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“…get approached by a boy who worked at a small burger joint…”
Yeah, not to age you or anything, but that was a different era ;-D A working class guy back then might still indicate, and possibly even actually demonstrate, positive prospects.
But those chances gradually began to evaporate with the seemingly ever increasing “Affirmative Action” programs in the mid 70’s. While wiser women today have finally grasped the societal risk posed by DEI, very few noticed the damage of the former programs — some were so ignorant of history as to actually believe that their unearned preference was somehow justice. But [f the West is to survive, the cleansing of the mythical Augean stables will be nothing compared to the corruption that the mindless herd has deposited in the past 50 odd years.
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what would the hormonal issue be that men aren’t approaching?
why don’t middle class men approach compared to the other two groups?
Amanda
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These are two different issues. There are women who can’t attract anybody because they aren’t emitting the healthy pheromones.
And then there’s class based mating behavior among men. Both things have existed since forever but I’m sure that the hormonal situation has been aggravated by medicalization of formerly very normal things.
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As to why middle class men are a lot more intentional about dating, it’s because they have more to lose. Poor men don’t have anything to lose from a misplaced dating choice. Rich men have the money to mitigate bas consequences. But for those in the middle, these decisions are more fraught.
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Wait, wait, so… middle class men not knowing how to talk to women is part of the same neurosis that drives maniacal class-conformity? The rest of us either have F-U money, or we’re too low on the class ladder to care, but for those unfortunate bastards in the middle, you’re in the permanent striving trap: can’t step wrong or you might fall down a rung, always trying to comply in case you get a chance to move up?
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That’s exactly it. I have taught at a school for rich people (Yale), a school for middle class strivers, and my current school for working class kids. The amount of neurosis at the middle-class striver college was such that I ran away after a year. It was messing with my head to be there.
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(files that away in mental databank)
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Clarissa, I am a mere male and need explanation of this mystery We are the only primate with largely hidden ovulation, and human females spend gabillions of dollars on perfumes. What are you suggesting?
Have to tell you that women being avoided is largely because they are behaving as rather nasty critters — the term “coyote ugly” is not restricted to the unfortunately exceptionally homely ;-D
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“human females spend gabillions of dollars on perfumes”
Those don’t cover up pheromones. A lot of the time when people are attracted or repelled by someone for reasons they can’t articulate… pheromones are in play.
And… more speculatively, lots of things going on are… I don’t have a word for it and I’m still working on it a bit… maybe…. antigenic… that is people giving off vibes that they can’t/won’t/shouldn’t reproduce.
There was a NYT story about a woman who left her husband for reasons she couldn’t articulate… she called it a ‘signal’ that only she could hear. My theory is that the signal was telling her he wasn’t going to get her pregnant and so she was moving on. I think this was independent of any conscious process that she could articulate. But I think lots of people give off antigenic vibes that keep others at arms length.
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cliff arroyo
LOL, I would never downplay the effect of pheromones, those gabillions exist for reasons — masking, enhancing, or just making women feel better about themselves. And there may indeed be as yet unproven antigenic vibes, but there is no doubt about the existence of “resting bitch face” ;-D
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