The administration now tells us that we aren’t allowed to write our own welcome emails to incoming students. Instead, we must all copy-paste the same text and send it under our own names.
Do you want a sample sentence from this prefab email?
“I look forward to connecting with you and igniting your academic passion.”
Really. That’s what it says.
60% of all sentences in the email end with an exclamation mark.
And I’m supposed to send this slop under my own name.
It’s quite extraordinary that the university pays good salaries to people who are professional writers and then prohibits us from deploying this skill. For which it pays us.
I mean, I’ve already been paid. I might just as well do the work for which I’ve been paid and which can’t possibly be copy-pasting text into email. Because if it is, you’ve overpaid me to a ridiculous degree.
The welcome emails I used to send were actually pretty good. I’m a fine writer. I tailored them based on what language each student was interested in. I provided specific, useful information. And I definitely didn’t say cringe oldster shit like “ignite your passion.”
And now I’m prohibited from sending my own emails or modifying the prefab one in any way. Now every incoming student will receive the same standard and badly written message. Because that’s what people want, amirite? To be treated like identical robots. That’s totally going to make an excellent impression on today’s young people.
Not.
Clarissa's Blog 
Is there a way you can send one after the established “welcome” email?
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“Is there a way you can send one after the established “welcome” email?”
That’s what I would try….
“Hello, you’ve already received the university’s official welcome email. As department chair, I would also like to personally welcome you to our program in XXXX”
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I’m seeing the students in person on Friday. I’ll try to dispel the impression the email might have caused.
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“I look forward to connecting with you and igniting your academic passion”
I really hope that’s AI slop and not something a supposedly intelligent adult wrote….
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No em dashes, so I don’t know. We now have a new highly compensated marketing team that’s charged with writing these emails. They have to justify their salaries. That’s how we deal with our budget crisis. By hiring new people to write this crap.
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Is it terrible that I am laughing and I want to say this to people in real life and see what they say? What would you say, if someone walked up to you and said this??? I am trying to imagine what I would say… But you just never know, until you know, you know?
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“I want to ignite your passion” writes a very middle-aged female professor to an 18-year-old student named Ibrahim.
Welcome to America where we are all weird, all the time.
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“Oh gosh I am so late–“
(brisk exit)
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