Clarissa's Blog

A study is being widely shared online that putting different sets of words on a math syllabus (more touchy-feely instead of stricter stuff) improves the performance of female students from average to almost genius-level. Not only is the idea of students reading the syllabus quite ludicrous, this belief in “magic words” is wrongheaded and dangerous. You can’t change reality by doing magic incantations.

I’ve caught myself saying, “she’s fully vaccinated!” in a defensive voice whenever I mention my sister.

Stupid, angry COVIDiots have invaded my brain.

Did anybody here watch Tucker’s Originals on the UFOs? It’s the stupidest thing ever. A couple of extremely grainy videos with gray splotches.

“Ooh, what can those splotches possibly mean? There is no explanation, so it’s got to be aliens.”

Why are all the videos so grainy? There’s great technology available that can make better videos.

Because, you see, aliens are so smart. They magically erase all the good videos of themselves.

It’s very similar to the explanations my 5-year-old gives about unicorns.

“Who threw the pencils all over the room?”

“Unicorns, mommy.”

“Why would unicorns do that?”

“I don’t know, mommy. I don’t speak unicorn language, remember?”

COVID messed up my microbiome. Pickled cabbage helps, so I’m doing that. My sister has an identical problem after her COVID vaccine. So it’s a race to the bathroom after every other meal for us.

I heard today about a guy who had a successful school for training programmers in Ukraine. So he decided to move to Mexico and open the same kind of school there. And it’s not like he’s American and infected with wokeness. A Lamaze class for men is probably his next business initiative. They are very successful with half of the population, so why not the other half?

So if prostitutes on OnlyFans are now banned from prostituting themselves on the platform, why would anybody go there? It’s like banning people on Instagram from posting photos. Or Pfizer banning sales of medication by its reps.

I thought OnlyFans was very profitable (not to the prostitutes but the owners). Why are they destroying their business model?

I honestly don’t get it.

People who are coming back to teach in person keep asking, “But what do we do if a student gets COVID???”

“You do the same as you’ve always done in the past when a student got sick,” I reply. “We’ve always had students who got sick during a semester and couldn’t come to class. There were common colds, the flu, arthritis, and even brain cancer. And we never did anything in particular. If students couldn’t catch up, they withdrew or failed.”

“BUT THIS IS COVID!” they say, making big round eyes at me.

The longer people keep away from normal life, the harder it is to integrate them back. The idea of teaching amongst COVID restrictions becomes daunting. And yes, the restrictions are a stupid, idiotic drag. But after a couple of weeks, everybody forgets about them and just goes on almost as normal.

I know it’s hard to make the jump but you just have to go for it, and then you’ll see that it’s not that big of a deal.

Give it a couple more years, and our valiant FBI will finally establish for sure that the events of January 6 weren’t coordinated by aliens from another galaxy either.

These incredible doofuses – and I don’t just mean the FBI, I mean the entire left – invent these ludicrous stories, convince themselves the stories are true, and then stun themselves with sudden revelations of the painfully obvious fact that it was all baloney to begin with.

Before we met in person, N sent me a photo of himself, so I’d recognize him. And I almost decided not to go. The photo he sent was what he thought women would like. He looked smug, superior, and deeply annoying. In real life, he’s the most modest, humble, sweet person. It’s a lot more endearing than overconfidence.

Besides, there’s no place for two annoying, smug people in a relationship.