What You Need to Know About Your Russian-Speaking Friend

Every culture has its own peculiarities. We, the Russian-speakers, are, of course, no exception. In this post, I will share some of the things you should expect if you are planning to spend time with Russian-speaking friends or colleagues.

1. We are joyful people who love to celebrate, spend time with friends, and enjoy existence. A week doesn’t pass by without my parents having at least one group of friends over at their place. A Russian-speaking party is very different from the Anglo-Saxon party, for example. For one, nobody stands while trying to balance the plate and the glass. Everybody sits around a big table. Regardless of the economic situation of your Russian-speaking hosts, food will be abundant and will consist of several courses with many food choices. Nobody will ever ask you eat off a paper plate and drink out of plastic cups. The table will be beautifully and properly laid, there will be beautiful table linens and dinnerware.

There will not necessarily be alcohol. (No, we are not all alcoholics, no matter what you might have heard.) If guests at my parents’ house request alcohol, there is likely to be a lot of confusion followed by a frantic search for that half-finished bottle of wine that somebody brought over last summer. As I was growing up, my parents never bought a single bottle of vodka. There was champagne for New Year’s (one bottle that would be divided among a dozen guests) but vodka never made an appearance. There will never be any drinking of alcohol without plentiful food to accompany it. Asking people to drink wine and only offering them some cheese with it is considered unacceptable.

Your place at the table is usually assigned to you by the hostess. It is rude to rush to a place of your own choosing because it will spoil the hostess’s seating plan. My mother, for example, often leaves cards with the guests’ names (and a little gift inside) next to the plates she assigned them. If you saw how my mother lays a table, you’d think she was brought up in the palace of the Queen of England. The next time I visit my parents, I’ll take a picture and post it on the blog. I promise that you will be stunned. We, however, consider it business as usual.

Parties last a lot longer than in North America. Here in the US, I’m usually disappointed whenever I go to a party by the fact that people begin to leave the moment when the gathering reaches the degree of warmth and mutual contentment after which a party in my culture continues for several more hours.

2. People are very direct. Politeness is not highly valued. I had to learn to say “please,” “thank you,” “how are you?”, etc. after I emigrated. Nobody is afraid of passing judgment on anything or anybody. (Which is something you would have never guessed after reading this blog for a while, right? 🙂 If your Russian-speaking friend thinks you gained weight, got a horrible haircut, are wearing an ugly dress or silly shoes, s/he will inform you of that in no uncertain terms.

3. People require (and expect others to require) a lot less personal space. It is completely normal to show up at a fiend’s place unannounced with your entire family and expect an elaborate meal to be served to you. And, of course, if you show up unannounced, people will leave everything they are doing and will feed and entertain you joyfully.

4. In spite of all the hospitality, this is a very closed culture and it’s extremely difficult to gain access to it. People will be nice and kind to you but it will take a lot of effort for them to see you as somebody who can be trusted.

P.S. If you are asking over somebody who is not just a Russian-speaker but specifically from Russia, make sure you have some tea in the house. Russian people drink tea all the time. After about 15 minutes in your house, your Russian friend is likely to start getting antsy and will send wistful glances in the direction of the tea-kettle. A Russian person’s first response to any trouble you might share with them is to offer to make you a cup of tea. I’m from Ukraine, so for me it was something I had to get used to when I first started living with a Russian person.