Or, and here is a fresh thought, you can do fitness, home maintenance, personal development, and entertainment together with the kids. They are not in diapers for the entire 18 years, are they? Your kid is there while you’re living your life. These are not separate bins that have to be done separately.
Until the end of this month, I am in a regular office job. Since school let out in May, my daughter has been at work with me every day. And I’m not suffering in any way or suspending any of my regular activities. This is a great learning opportunity for my child because she observes my life and gets important lessons from witnessing my daily behavior. For example, I accidentally forgot to scan a jar of pickles at the store because it was at the bottom of the shopping cart and I didn’t see it. The next time we were at the store, I made a point of scanning a jar of pickles twice because, as I explained to my child, stealing is wrong. No amount of lectures on the importance of honesty could send the message as effectively as having the kid actually witness the parent practicing these principles on a daily basis.
In addition, once the kid is past the early childhood stage, she starts helping. The quoted post makes it sound like you have to do all of the housework and everything completely by yourself, even when the kids are teenagers. But that’s nuts. A family can’t run this way. The normal situation is when everybody contributes and does that gladly.
As for working out, kids love physical activity. I’ve never done as much physical activity in my life as I do with my child because she enjoys it and constantly encourages me to do something active. Even with babies, there are strollers for running, there are bikes with attachments for toddlers. There are all kinds of things. N bought a yearly membership at the local trampoline park and goes there regularly with Klara. He wouldn’t go by himself because a middle-aged man jumping on the trampolines by himself would be creepy. He is in the best shape of his life since the time when he quit martial arts. Yesterday, we spent the evening playing badminton in the driveway, and again, this is something we probably wouldn’t be assed to do without our child’s encouragement.
Yes, your lifestyle changes a lot when the kids are very little. But what people seem to forget is that this early stage is not that long. Gradually, you get all of your favorite activities back and gain a new, very eager partner to participate in them.
I was afraid of having children because everybody, including my own mother, told me endlessly that my life would end and would never be fun again. And it was all completely untrue. We should share stories about how having kids is great and actually enhances your life and makes all of your favorite activities even better. Because it’s true. In my kid, I have a personal trainer, a stylist, a decorator, a dietician, a conversation partner, and a wonderful witness to my life. And yes, it got hairy for a bit some years ago when she learned to get out of her bed and developed a habit of visiting me several times in the middle of the night, hovering over my bed. But no kid does that for 18 years straight.
Of course, people are going to say, “Ha ha, wait until she’s a teenager, and she will not want to spend time with you at all.” But that’s crap. My sister’s daughter is sixteen. She has a job, a boyfriend, and a very successful dancing career. I have not met a happier, better-adjusted, more normal teenager in my life. And guess what? She loves spending time with her mother. She thinks her mother is mega cool. They have a very profound relationship and spend tons of time together. And yes, she’s a normal teenager, so sometimes she gets pissy, moody, and grumpy. So what? The relationship is still there, and it’s still amazing.
My own father died when he was seventy and I was in my forties. Until the day he died, spending time with him was one of the most enjoyable things in my life. So no, it doesn’t go away when children grow up, or it doesn’t have to.
Ultimately, it’s such a short sacrifice of a couple of years of disrupted sleep and having to lug around a heavy backpack with kids’ things to gain such a wealth of joy, love, and amazing experiences.
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