I’m American

Which is why I:

Believe that the US politics is the most fascinating politics in the world.

Feel a rush of emotions whenever I read the Constitution of the United States.

Reread the Constitution of the United States often.

Love being a consumer. (If you want to be critical of that, please make sure you know what it feels like to be born in the Soviet Union. If you can’t manage that, then please, forever hold your peace.)

Adore ordering stuff online and watch infomercials for fun. (If you don’t know what an infomercial is, you are definitely not American.)

Have very emotional relationships with different US cities and regions.

Love it that people never call me after 10 pm and never come to visit my house unannounced.

Adore the higher education system in the US, which, in my opinion, is the best in the world.

Agree that the US is “still the best country ever in which to peddle complete public lunacy.”  And believe that it’s  a great thing.

Love it how easy it is to shut up any opposition by saying, “But in my culture. . .”

Enjoy everybody’s curiosity about the customs and traditions of my culture.

Love it how whenever I mention I’m from Ukraine, the response is, “Oh, that’s great. Maybe you will tell me what I’m doing wrong with my borscht.”

Totally dig the American Dream.

Love it how money has nothing to do with one’s social status (just like in my country!).

Am totally in thrall to the fact that the freedom of speech is respected here like nowhere else on this planet. (I’m a blogger, so what do you expect?)

Adore the fact that a random Ukrainian immigrant can start a blog and crowds of people will listen, read, and comment. And nobody has told me they hate me for being an immigrant. (Totally unlike in my country.)

Love it that my university’s officials will jump through hoops to make sure I never felt oppressed, discriminated against, or downtrodden because of my immigrant (or any other kind) status.

Enjoy the fact that I can find Indian, Russian, and Peruvian food within 100 miles of any place I inhabit in this country.

I am absolutely convinced that this is the best country ever to live in for me.

10 thoughts on “I’m American

  1. You read and re-read the Constitution?

    That’s not something Americans do. 🙂 (They bitch to no end about it being violated, but most of them have never actually read it.)

    (I admit, I myself have never read the entire thing beginning to end, though I have caught most of it at different times…but at least I have the grace to be slightly embarrassed about that.)


    1. I love the American Constitution. Whenever I read the words “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances”, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 🙂


  2. I always tease Mike about what it means to be American — which he is. Only sometimes this teasing gets under his skin. Like I watching watching this “Reality TV” show whilst he was out and about. Really, there was nothing better to watch on TV that night. In it, these Americans were accepting a dare to eat blood balls covered in writhing worms. So, Mike walks in and says, “What are you watching?”

    “Oh, I’m watching some Americans eating typical American food without their hands. It must be correct, because it’s on TV!”


  3. I share a lot of these with you! I love our Constitution, I love the way its framers tried so hard to set up each branch of government independently of others, and able to act in opposition to others, to try and preclude the possibility of totalitarian government. The Bill of Rights is my favorite part.

    I also find our political process fascinating, and follow politics like other Americans also follow football or basketball.

    I also love how easy it is to find good food from lots of different cuisines, think our university system rocks (I also went to a very good high school, and my elementary schools had special education programs that I think made a HUGE difference in my development, and enabled me to reach academic heights I may never have reached without it), and I mostly love other Americans, whom I think are generally very nice people.

    Our commitment to freedom of speech is probably the thing I am proudest of about this country, and the thing I love and value the most.


  4. Love it how money has nothing to do with one’s social status

    ROFLMAO (((wipes tears))) Funniest goddamn thing I EVER READ. Only some globe-trotting academic with great health insurance, who can keep a job without even driving a car, could write such a thing. Or is this intended as some kind of joke? Are you a conservative? I’m really confused.

    Money has EVERYTHING to do with social status, and even where people sit in fucking church.


    1. Relax, Daisy Deadhead. I’m an immigrant from a 3rd world country who has known more actual poverty than you have seen on TV.

      I still remember how the ultra-rich daughter of a banker was humiliating herself in front of a much poorer colleague who comes from old money and whose ancestors came over on the Mayflower. The nouveau riche did not manage to overcome the contempt the old money colleague felt for her.

      You can make millions but the “right people” will still never invite you over for drinks.

      Also, for your information, driving is not a required skill to teach literature.


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