Relationship or Rape?

There is a really nasty double-standard in the way child rape cases are reported. I did a search and immediately alighted on the following report (emphasis is mine):

A 36-year-old village woman has been charged with first-degree rape, a Class B felony, after being accused of raping a 12-year-old boy.

Police arrested Tara Porter of 3 Bartlett St. on the evening of Tuesday, Nov. 8. An intensive investigation followed a report early that afternoon from the Child Abuse Hotline, which was notified anonymously that a sexual relationship was going on between the two, Ellenville Police Chief Phillip Mattracion said. . .

The relationship had reportedly gone on for about six weeks.

On what planet is it acceptable to refer to a rape of a 12-year-old child as “a relationship”? We have become enlightened enough as a society to stop referring to little girls who are raped as being “in a relationship” with their rapists. Isn’t it time to recognize that when this crime is perpetrated against boys it is just as horrible and unacceptable?

Until such crimes are defined strongly and exclusively as rapes and not “relationships”, we can’t expect victimized boys to report being raped more often.

The reason why there is such a reluctance to refer to sexual abuse of boys with the word rape is the long-standing patriarchal belief that women are always passive objects of sexual acts and can never be active subjects of sex. This is one of several issues where the beliefs of so-called radical feminists and anti-women defenders of patriarchy coincide.

15 thoughts on “Relationship or Rape?

    1. It’s possible that this woman is innocent and that she never had sex with this boy. In theory, the charges could be bogus.

      But it is IMPOSSIBLE for a 36-year-old woman to have a sexual “relationship” with a 12-year-old. By definition, a sexual relationship implies consent, and a 12-year-old can’t consent.


    1. I’d qualify him or her as an “a 11 year-old who wants to have sex with a 40 year old woman”. 🙂 Fantasies about anything are perfectly fine. Acting on them is a different thing.


  1. There is an important difference between a 12 year old boy with a 12 year old girl and a situation where the Person – whether male or female is significantly older than a 12 year old child.

    I would speak of “sexual assault” – rather than rape – but either way it is Very Wrong and Very Exploitative.

    It is also very important to note that the young male – whether assaulted by a woman or a man – is usually very closeted, very hidden and that our traditional beliefs shield him too, too frequently from getting the help that he needs as well as sometimes focusing upon the rapists as a rapist.


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