Captain Morgan’s

I feel completely exhausted, people. My sister’s baby is sick, so she doesn’t sleep. And when my sister doesn’t sleep in Montreal, I don’t sleep in Illinois because our bodies are finely attuned to each other. I feel like a herd of wild horses has trampled on me.

This has made me so completely out of it that I just approached the cashier at our university restaurant and instead of paying for my lunch, said:

“Can I have a big bottle of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum?”

Now, the last thing I want right now is alcohol. The mere idea of it makes me nauseous. I just want to teach my last class and go home. So I have no idea why I tried buying rum on campus. A big bottle, too.

The cashier gave me a funny look when I did that.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” she said, “what country are you from?”

I considered lying but I plan to work at this university for years to come which made lying impossible.

So I just confirmed a stereotype that Russians can’t get through the day without a liter of booze.

11 thoughts on “Captain Morgan’s

  1. I’ve had people ask me what country I’m from before (I have an odd accent) and I usually answer either the truth, or, if I’m annoyed, tell them I’m from the Solomon Islands. Who knows anything about the Solomon Islands?


      1. “I do (without looking it up)! One of my former colleagues did research there.”

        – Are you the kind person who gave me a chocolate bar? If so, then thank you! I’m loving it.


  2. 1) I never made the connection between Russians and liquor, so perhaps there is hope for me yet.

    2) Are you not Ukrainian?


    1. Oh, that’s so nice of you! I can’t tell you how many times people have mentioned vodka to me in my life. And the sad thing is that I hate vodka. I only tried it once and hated it because it smells of dentists.

      People keep confusing Ukrainians and Russians. I often have the following conversations:

      “I’m from Ukraine.”

      “Oh, you are from Russia!”

      “No, Ukraine.”

      “Isn’t that the same thing?”


      1. I don’t know if I’d attribute it to optimism, or to my dark humor Jewish side. I’ve been scolded and lecture at a coffee house in Buenos Aires for making jokes that involved soap and the Holocaust with another Jewish friend. Somebody tried to give us a lecture on how disgusting we were, and…hilarity ensued!!! He won’t be intervening in other people’s conversation any time soon.


  3. – Are you the kind person who gave me a chocolate bar? If so, then thank you! I’m loving it.

    And I love that you are loving it. 🙂 It’s my little thank-you for all the interesting times I had and will have on your blog. 😀


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