1. Decide that the hotel room is going to be horrible and obsess over that for weeks. Because you are totally going to a beach resort in order to sit in a room all day long.
2. Worry yourself to the point of mental collapse with the doubts as to whether two sticks of deodorant will be enough for the entire trip. Because it makes so much sense to wear deodorant to the beach.
3. Freak out every twenty minutes about the possibility that you will forget to print out your travel documents yet abstain from printing them out. Because just printing them out already would rob you of a great opportunity to freak out constantly.
4. Read only the negative reviews of the resort. Because a positive review might actually alleviate your misery.
5. Convince yourself that being away for two weeks during the month when you are not scheduled to teach and nobody expects you on campus will ruin your academic career. Because successful academics are people who live in their offices and never have any fun.
6. Tell yourself that even though you’ve been packing for over a week, there is some hugely important object that you must have forgotten to pack and your entire vacation will be ruined as a result. Because the success of a vacation is totally dependent on a piece of clothing or a pair of shoes.
7. Decide based on no evidence whatsoever that your partner who is traveling with you doesn’t love you any longer and doesn’t really want to go. Because it makes no sense to be miserable on your own. It’s so much better to make somebody else share the misery.
8. Worry endlessly as to whether it’s better to paint your toenails one day or two days before the trip. Because this huge dilemma of incredible proportions is really worth stressing about. Especially when you are a 36-year-old university professor.
9. Decide that you cannot go to bed until you determine whether the Japanese restaurant at the resort where you are going is amazing (as some reviewers say) or horrible (as other reviewers maintain.) Because finding out for yourself when you actually get to the resort would be too easy.
After completing all of these rounds and feeling thoroughly unhappy, you are ready to set on your trip. Fortunately, the airport is a great place to torture yourself some more with worst-case scenarios.
There is never a dull moment for us, masochists.
* By masochism here I don’t mean the fun, great and healthy S&M practices.
Clarissa's Blog 
//Tell yourself that even though you’ve been packing for over a week, there is some hugely important object that you must have forgotten to pack and your entire vacation will be ruined as a result.
If you really don’t intend to work on this vacaton, as you’ve previously said, then I would’ve written a list of good books you’ve decided to take, in addition to a Kindle, in case you want to read them among bathing, eating at the restaurant, etc. Imo good reading is the one important thing, and the vacation will take care of all the rest. 🙂
It sounds like a lot of fun. Hope you’ll share with us the pictures of the unusual food at the restaurant & your review of it, the beach and anything interesting in general.
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I actually leave some minor item unpacked semi-intentionally just so that I can decide that *that* is the thing I’ve forgotten and stop worrying.
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“Decide based on no evidence whatsoever that your partner who is traveling with you doesn’t love you any longer and doesn’t really want to go. ”
I oddly started doing this before we went to Spain. I was worried my boyfriend felt like he was being “dragged” along on this hugely expensive vacation and wasn’t really excited about going.
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I’m worse than that. 🙂 I have started reading meanings into the fact that my husband had a haircut. Which is not an unusual occurrence with him. But still, it felt eerily meaningful.
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Most important that he doesn’t start reading “eery meanings” into that. 🙂
Vacations are fun. Now thought about Pratchett’s “Witches Abroad” (among my favorites, very funny), started reading his quotes and, in case you like his style, here is 1 example:
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This quote isn’t that connected, except the stress on the importance of accumulating memories and enjoying life now too.
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Aren’t you just excited about the trip and looking forward to it, and expressing this negatively? If you do not want to suffer in anticipation, you could start countering these negative thoughts with mental images of the things you are actually looking forward to…
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“Aren’t you just excited about the trip and looking forward to it, and expressing this negatively”
– It´s my way of punishing myself for anticipated pleasure. The greater the pleaure, the bigger is the punishment.
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Hunh. Why? This is starting to sound truly masochistic… 😉
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“Hunh. Why? This is starting to sound truly masochistic…”
– I know! This is hugely unhealthy. It´s the result of an insecure, anxiety-ridden childhood. I´m working on it but the issue is very resistant.
The way it works: I always expect something horrible to happen. So by provoking the horrible, I manage to exercise some control over it. Crrrrrrazy!
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“…the success of a vacation is totally dependent on a piece of clothing or a pair of shoes.”
I’m afraid this is true.
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But you can buy what you have forgotten where you are, unless you’re camping or something like that.
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Oh, I know this so well.
Preparing for holidays I usually totally forget to consider the exotic option that the holidays might actually just turn out to be fun and enjoyable. 🙂 The day before I go I usually curse myself for even planning the holiday and really really want to stay at home. I guess it is because breaking the routine and seeing new things is on some level stressful for me. I also totally understand the point of staying in a resort. In this way you have to do less planning and decisions during the holidays.
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“I also totally understand the point of staying in a resort. In this way you have to do less planning and decisions during the holidays.”
– Ah! Finally somebody who gets me!! 🙂 I get a lot of flak for being so into these all-inclusive resorts. So yesterday, N. and I played a game when we were swimming. We were yelling out the different ways we have experienced instability in our lives: “Fall of the Soviet Union!” “Four completely new currency systems!” “1000% inflation!” “Immigrating! Twice!”
We´ve had enough upheval and adventure to last 5 lifetimes. Now we just want to vegetate on the beach.
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Exactly. You more than deserve it.
Now that I have moved to another country twice in the last 4 years and have a lot of insecurity and stress in my job, I really don’t need to trek through India to get excitement into my life. I have figured out the best break is to go to a tranquil mountain village in a rented apartment. People also get really upset about this. “So you go climbing? River-rafting? ” Nope. We just go hiking. People really get irritated about this. 🙂 I find it ridiculous how holiday-making is tied to status and how certain things (like all-inclusive resorts and hiking) have low status, while bothering unsuspecting tribes in the jungle of Borneo is high status. Makes absolutely no sense.
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