A little girl’s father is away on a business trip. Her mother buys her a gift to cheer her up.
“I have a gift for you, my little one,” she says.
“What is it?” the three-year-old asks.
“It’s something that you like more than anything in the world,” the mother says.
The little girl’s face lights up like an opera-house chandelier.
“Daddy?” she asks breathlessly.
Ugh. This strikes close to the heart for me. I go to a lot of conferences, and I know my kids miss me terribly while I’m gone. Of course, it’s part of my job, but there is still guilt involved. I manage to have a great time at conferences, nonetheless, but when I leave I feel awful.
I’m planning to go to England for 2-3 weeks with students next year, and I know that it’s going to be really hard on my kids. They will be 4 and 8 at that point, so they will definitely notice my absence. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to take the family with me on that trip. Plus, it’s not supposed to be a family vacation. It will be work. (Fun, but still work.)
I try to balance this guilt by making sure I tell my kids I love them every day and making time to spend at least a little time with them in a low-stress way every day. We do that with reading books together before bed. A lot of times, that’s my favorite part of the day.
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I didn’t post this to make people feel guilty, God forbid. I just think it’s cute that the little girl thinks Mommy can bring Daddy to her as a gift in her pocket. 🙂
“I’m planning to go to England for 2-3 weeks with students next year, and I know that it’s going to be really hard on my kids. They will be 4 and 8 at that point, so they will definitely notice my absence. ”
– Child psychologists agree that such short absences on the part of parent(s) are very useful to a child’s development. This lets the children know that it’s normal for the person they love to leave temporarily and that doesn’t signify a permanent abandonment. Children who don’t have such experiences grow up to perceive every minimal separation from their partner as the end of the world. So what I’m saying is: enjoy England! It will be fun.
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My father went on a business trip to US (I am in Europe) for 2 months when I was 8 and my sister 5. What helped was that a few weeks before he left he bought a small globe to each of us and he showed us where he was going to be. Then during the actual trip, I remember my mother got us look at the globes every day and find out where he was that day. He would also send postcards from every new town he went to and after those arrived, we would find the towns on our globes.
Maybe something like this could help your kids with your London trip? I mean, obviously these days you can skype etc. but maybe just having a tangible object (the globe) to compare their and your location would be a good idea. Plus they would learn some geography… 🙂
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“What helped was that a few weeks before he left he bought a small globe to each of us and he showed us where he was going to be. Then during the actual trip, I remember my mother got us look at the globes every day and find out where he was that day. He would also send postcards from every new town he went to and after those arrived, we would find the towns on our globes.”
– Sounds really brilliant.
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What was the gift, really?
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Macaroons. 😉 as most 3 year olds, she has a sweet tooth.
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Ah, nothing like the father/daughter relationship. Definately one of the greatest things to every happen to me. 🙂
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A conservative literary critic and college professor
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