“Poor Eric,” I say. “I’m practically sitting on his head.”
“Oh, that’s nothing,” N retorts. “I’m 37, and my mother is still sitting on my head.”
13 responses to “Pity the Child”
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She lives in another country, does she not? It’s projections of the mother, not the poor old woman and probably a lonely widow too (?).
Without meaninful work, without mental and physical powers left, often alone which is probably the worst of all (and talking on the phone with far away children is still alone). Poor old people. I dread being in such a situation. And having a husband when young doesn’t help most often since men die at younger ages. 😦
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Our old age is the time where we get exactly what we worked for during our entire lives. One can’t be a monster for decades and then expect to be surrounded by a group of loving people.
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Things are often not so black and white. F.e. children live in another country and an old parent is in a nursing home somewhere. Not everybody has much money and even with money, once one is weak enough, there is a potential for neglect (from doctors too) and abuse. From afar children can’t check on as well as had they lived near.
When my grandma was ill, my mother described a hospital visit she saw. Entire family came to visit an old woman. Probably they visit almost every weekend, but for entire week she is alone (most of the time, may be they call too).
I believe the best way is like it was with my grandmother. She lived with us, in a loving family. Of course, for that to work, all people involved should be good and capable of respectful, friendly relationship (at least). I talk about spouse – other spouse’s parents relationship. Of course, life isn’t composed of ideal situations. 😦
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Unless we are talking about a huge mansion and a crowd of servants, two generations of adults in one house is an absolute tragedy for everybody involved. We are from the Soviet Union where everybody lived on top of each other generationally and as a result normal families did not exist at all. So we should know the horror this is.
A responsible older person who loves her children / grandchildren will never agree to live with them. Unless, as I said, there is a mansion and servants.
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You mean two generations, unless one’s adult child is not married herself?
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After the age of 20 at the latest, non-disabled children should be moving out of the parents’ house. The longer they delay that, the more problematic will it be for them to have fulfilling personal lives, form families of their own, be successful professionally and have a wide circle of social acquaintances.
I moved away from my “adopted child” and let her finally be on her own when she was 21. I now recognize that it was a little bit too late. Everything is fine now but I should have left her in peace sooner. 🙂 That was my greatest “parenting” mistake.
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Actually if you belong to a tribalistic society, all is well. I have been getting all sorts of birthday greetings on facebook from the Zimbabwe tribes. Many are delightfully gaudy.
http://unsanesafe.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/on-my-way.html
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A conservative literary critic and college professor
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