So do you, folks, believe in the stages of grief theory or do you see it as an attempt to classify and categorize the chaotic experiences of the grieving? Has the theory ever been useful to you?
N and I keep sending each other loving text messages at exactly the same time to the second. It is very good to know that at the exact same time when I feel the need to say I miss him he feels the need to say the same thing to me.
The analyst says that for the kind of person that I am it will be very helpful to write as much as I can, preferably by hand. So I started a diary where I write down everything that happens. This isn’t beautiful writing because I find the idea of producing beautiful, touching writing about what happened to be repugnant. This is strange because I really enjoy reading heart-wrenching, well-written stories people send me.
The way I write in the diary is very pedestrian. It goes something like, “And then I had breakfast and made a huge mug of the stinky dandelion root tea. And then I drank the stinky tea.” The weirdest thing is that this actually helps, and I look forward to writing in my diary every day.
Readers have been suggesting making a donation in Eric’s name to our university library. Thank you, readers, this is a very kind thought.
I would really like for something like that to happen because it makes me feel better to hear his name mentioned and his existence recognized. He wasn’t a mistake. He died in utero but he still brought a lot of love. I wouldn’t want him never to have existed.