Guilt is the most destructive of feelings and it makes absolutely no sense to entertain it.
If you did something that makes you feel guilty, remember: you did what you needed to do to survive at that particular moment.
Human beings are in a constant state of flux, they change every second. So even if you did the thing that makes you feel guilty five minutes ago, you are not any longer the same person who did it. You are somebody completely different who might not even be able to understand why this very different person did what s/he did. And since you can’t understand, why should you judge?
Close your eyes and imagine this other person who did the wrong thing. Imagine this is your friend who confesses something that makes him or her feel very guilty. Try to comfort your friend. Try to let your friend know that you are not being judgmental, that everything is OK.
Imagine your life as a road that moves forward and takes you away from the person who did the bad thing. Turn around and wave good-bye at this version of you that you are leaving forever in the past. Imagine your guilt as a backpack that you take off and lay at the feet of this person. It doesn’t belong to you, so you shouldn’t be taking it with you.
See this old version of you receding in the distance.
Now turn around and move ahead.
Clarissa's Blog 
Guilt is basically an illusion — a quickening of the intrapersonal dynamic, which gives one the potential to disintegrate. In some instances, it can be amusing to experience guilt, although that is far from all.
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Wow, I just had an afternoon nap and dreamed you were giving us all Christmas presents based on our star signs. I was searching for mine but then I woke up suddenly.
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I really wish I could do that. 🙂
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Oh well, it’s the thought that counts
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Yes. Guilt should never be entertained because just entertaining it doesn’t necessarily face the problem that originated it or take actions to correct it (if the problem ever existed). In that context, yes. I would agree that guilt is one of the most destructive feelings.
Guilt, however, can be a momentum or transient/ intermittent type of feeling that leads to question oneself actions, take responsibility for them and redirect our lives as to correct behavioral deficiencies and gain personal maturity. In this context, guilt has the potential for being a very constructive feeling leading to human growth and fulfillment. The analogy, presented by Clarissa, of “see this old version of you receding in the distance” is, in my opinion, reflective of somebody discovering that the perfect person doesn’t exist and yet imperfections are to be taken as opportunities for growing with others in a mutual horizon of goals and perspectives that are built in an open and constant dialogue. Indeed, a transient feeling of guilt has the potential for making us free of prejudices, misfilings, misconceptions, misunderstandings etc helping us to be, more genuinely, ourselves.
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” In this context, guilt has the potential for being a very constructive feeling leading to human growth and fulfillment. ”
– That’s what Catholics believe. I, however, have never seen anything but sickness and misery come out of guilt.
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I know that you don’t like Catholics. They leave me indifferent and I try to take people for whom they are, regardless of their religious beliefs, social status etc. I ought my ideas to myself.
It has been very interesting to participate in your blog and I wish you, N and your friends in this blog the very best. Thanks Clarissa for the opportunity.
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This is very unfair! I love Catholics. Haven’t I dedicated my life to studying the culture they produced?
The kinds of Christians that I dislike are those of the Orthodox Russian church (not the one in exile but the other one) and American fundamentalists.
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Oh, and I also dislike Moonies because I used to know somebody who got into their sect and transformed into a really horrible person.
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Thank you for this. I carry guilt around like a back pack a lot of times. Your response to guilt, though, is really perfectly what I needed to hear.
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I also think that guilt is a necessary initial checkpoint attesting to our conscious ability to distinguish right from wrong. It should be felt like an asset rather than an burden or an incapacitating feeling. Feeling guilt does not mean or equate to being guilty. That’s my 2 cents.
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I don’t feel like endangering my mental and physical health to “attest” anything to anybody. Who is this controlling agency to whom you feel you need to attest things?
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Do you mean, it is difficult to distinguish between right and wrong, but we have an instinct, guilt, that kicks in when we start to do something wrong and stops us?
What about reason… ?
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Just made a video on Nietzsche and guilt. Unfortunately I am still waking up. Please notice the incredibly strong shoulders I’m developing.
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“Do you mean, it is difficult to distinguish between right and wrong, but we have an instinct, guilt, that kicks in when we start to do something wrong and stops us?
What about reason… ?”
No Z, I don’t mean that. I guess that it might difficult for some people to distinguish right from wrong. And more difficult for some than for others.
No, I don’t mean that guilt is an instinct ( it might or might not). Guilt is a feeling, a manifestation of emotional discomfort that relates to a felt discordance between some action (s) and our principles. For example, let’s say that I know I should be paying taxes but I found a way around it and don’t pay them. And I know for sure that I am not going to be caught but still my learned but not felt citizenship sense ( and obligation) are creating an emotional discomfort and questioning me about my fairness. That is guilt for me. That is a natural checkpoint inside my mind helping me to act according to what I’ve been taught is the right thing to do.
Guilt is also different from regret. Regret is also an emotional discomfort relating to events that might or might not have been under my control and I could have/have not prevented. For example, I regret not having had more opportunities to travel to my mother’s town before she passed away. I could or could not have done better but I regret not have done it before it was too late. No guilt. Lots of regrets.
Yes. Reasoning helps us discerning right from wrong as well as overcoming misinterpretations, misfiling, misunderstandings etc.. And both guilt and regret can be erased by reasoning.
Guilt about sex is crap ( you talk a lot about this in your blog).
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Maybe you could make clear the distinction between feeling bad when you hurt someone to the same feeling continuing even after you make reparations. I think the word for that is shame, isnt it?
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Well my guilt complex is about my mother, whom I did not harm at all, although my parents did believe and make me believe it was I who had made her ill and caused her suffering.
The other guilt complex I have is about the disappearance of my cat – I never found him, do not know what happened, and feel he may have met a terrible end due to my failure to keep him indoors on that fateful day.
I see nothing useful in either of these complexes — they are good for blocking progress, of course, good forms of self-torture, but that is about it.
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I enjoyed this post, and strongly agree with it. You put things into words so clearly! I wish I could articulate my feelings half as well.
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