Hilarious Links Encyclopedia

~ Clarissa

For some reason, I only collected really hilarious stories this week. Check them out if you need some laughs to start the week:

Here is a post where adult people seriously discuss whether men need sex more than women. The funniest part is that the post is  written by a sex educator.

And if you haven’t had enough of ridiculous sexist stereotypes, read more “sex ed tips” from the same author.

“Just about anyone who’s gotten a Ph.D. has to have been strongly internally motivated; you don’t spend five to ten years writing a dissertation and foregoing other opportunities if you don’t care intensely about your work.” It is beautiful to see such naive and innocent people.

“This article reexamines the living arrangements of children following their parents’ divorce, using Wisconsin Court Records, updating an analysis that showed relatively small but significant increases in shared custody in the late 1980s and early 1990s. These changes have accelerated markedly in the intervening years: between 1988 and 2008, the proportion of mothers granted sole physical custody fell substantially, the proportion of parents sharing custody increased dramatically, and father–sole custody remained relatively stable.” Isn’t it funny how the brainless MRAs keep chirping about parental rights without even paying attention to what is going on in the world?

A funny bumper-sticker.

“Italian intellectuals up in arms over hotel named after Antonio Gramsci.”

A hilarious story of a “Liberal” discovering how hard it is to put his money where his mouth is.

“Justifying the takeover of broadcast rights, Kirchner stood beside soccer legend Diego Maradona in 2009 and accused the private sector of “kidnapping goals” from viewers the way the 1976-1983 military dictatorship kidnapped and tortured thousands of Argentines. “I don’t want a society of kidnappings anymore,” Kirchner said.”

A really stupid article by the perennially brain-dean Maureen Dowd. Now she is in the business of counting other people’s money and seething with resentment.

This has got to be the worst post I have ever read on higher ed. I mean, they all suck but this one is just something special. Talk about forced metaphors. The post is signed by a provost, which in itself tells us everything we need to know about the arrant idiocy of the author.

Zoo animals haven’t had every ounce of added value squeezed out of them. Until now.

This is a post that uses an expression “an effective thin ally to fat people.” You can gauge its entertainment potential just from that.

“The Dalai Lama says that western women will save the world. That is a lot to ask of us, especially since we have a barrage of criticism being leveled at us all the time. We’re too rich or too poor, barren or breeders, pushy or lazy, prudish or promiscuous. Does the world deserve our help?” No, absolutely not. I say, we should all emigrate to a different galaxy where nobody will dare criticize us in our perfection.

“Apple’s clear discomfort with women’s bodies seems to be bordering on intentional. I mean, I can hardly believe such a blatant double standard got through in the engraving case–you’re creating a list of words that get flagged as inappropriate, how do you not notice that vagina is on there and penis is not?” If the author of the article actually met some programmers, she’d know why they are unaware of the existence of vaginas.

“Leena Mccall’s painting, Portrait of Ms Ruby May, was removed by the Mall Galleries in London from its Society of Women Artists’s annual exhibition. The gallery did not consult the Society, which selected the works to display. The gallery reportedly says that the move “protected” “children and vulnerable adults.” I stared at the painting for 10 minutes, trying to imagine those “unprotected children and vulnerable adults.” I highly recommend this pastime; it’s fun.

I have no idea what this endless freakout is about but it sounds funny as hell.

And the winner of the “Most Hilariously Idiotic Post Ever” contest is the following: “When confronted with criticism from immigrants, white Americans will often nonsensically retort, “If you hate America so much, go back to where you came from!” with the intention of forcing an admission that the place in question is worse. But what they neglect, as expected, is to apply that segregative logic evenly: I might not have minded returning to where I came from, if you hadn’t destroyed it. why, after all, is it worse?” Yes, indeed, why can life anywhere possibly suck? It just has to be the fault of the Americans. The post reminded me of this true and hilarious story.

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Published by Clarissa

33 thoughts on “Hilarious Links Encyclopedia”

  1. Oh my god – that higher ed post!!! I knew there had to be some disconnect between the scholars and the administration or else we would have fewer adjuncts and better classrooms as opposed to new climbing walls and laundry service… But I have never actually met a person who thinks the latter is important. Well there it is. *headdesk*

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    2. –Really, that cruise comparison might be more apt than the author realizes, in a very unflattering way. An expensive limited experience advertised with a glossy catalog, with lots of hidden costs, bad food that induces food poisoning/weight gain, and questionable entertainment/educational value with much of the rigor/interest selected out.

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      1. “An expensive limited experience advertised with a glossy catalog, with lots of hidden costs, bad food that induces food poisoning/weight gain, and questionable entertainment/educational value with much of the rigor/interest selected out.”

        – Actually, that’s true. There is also the whole aspect of being isolated from the real life of the countries you are visiting in an expensive, floating bubble. Which is what has always disturbed me about cruises.

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    3. It reminds me of that line from Kingsley Amis’s _Lucky Jim_ (classic comic novel of Anglophone academe). I may be misquoting, but it’s something like “It was one more piece of evidence to support his hypothesis, that nice things are nicer than nasty ones.” Only Amis’s narrator is being self-mocking. That provost guy, not so much. Yeesh.

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  3. How are my Yankees doing? I watched Hurt Locker last night and learned that all men really want is to go to war and all women really want is to have babies.

    There was this great scene, where the guy freshly back from Iraq talks about his near miss with danger and the woman placidly hands him a vegetable and asks him to cut it.

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  4. “If the author of the article actually met some programmers, she’d know why they are unaware of the existence of vaginas.”

    Owww, this burns my programmer soul.

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  5. “Gaza militants defy ceasefire bid with more rockets. Three rockets land in Eshkol following Israeli cabinet approval of ceasefire; Code Red sirens continue blaring through South.”

    –> Btw, many Israelis are against ceasefire and view our Prime Minister as showing weakness by stopping now. They (correctly, in my eyes) predict we’ll get more rockets soon, in a year or two, and desire to continue operation to prolong the period of quiet. Also, quite a few Israelis talk about looking weak and thus courting aggression from Hizballah in Lebanon, from where we got some rockets during the current operation too.

    The following article is in Hebrew, but the two videos are in English. Lucy Aharish, “an Israeli Arab news presenter, reporter, and television host.” talks with journalists from Gaza. In the second video she is with a female journalist and an activist for women rights in Gaza strip.
    http://www.mako.co.il/culture-tv/world/Article-78c5859b27f2741006.htm?sCh=3d385dd2dd5d4110&pId=1898243326

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    1. Shorter el: ‘Not enough muslim blood spilled to satisfy my thirst. Need more dead babies and mass graves. Oh btw, Clarissa, have you read this poem? It touched my tender heart so.”

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  8. Peres: Civilian deaths in Gaza a ‘moral’ problem with no alternative
    …
    Earlier Tuesday, Hamas rejected an Egyptian cease-fire proposal that Israel accepted, and exchanges of rocket fire and airstrikes gained momentum, resulting in the first Israeli fatality in nine days of fighting that has killed nearly 200 Palestinians.

    “I don’t see it already finished,” Peres said of the proposed truce. “I think there is a division among (Hamas). The situation in Gaza is demanding, terrible, tragic. And they cannot leave it hanging in the air. … Nobody will feed them for just shooting rockets. … It’s not an economy.”
    http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4544324,00.html

    Restore Abbas’ rule in Gaza
    Analysis: Complete demilitarization of Strip is not enough; solution should include termination of Hamas rule.
    http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4543953,00.html

    QUOTE

    Saudi and Egyptian involvement could help bolster Abbas and weaken Hamas, although restoring the Fatah rule of the Strip as a condition for demilitarization is not ideal – during Abbas’ rule in the Strip there was a drop in the rocket fire, but it didn’t stop. But this solution, in addition to international guarantees, appears much better than sacrificing IDF soldiers and an ongoing control of a crowded populated area, which is doomed to fail.

    Restoring Abbas’ rule in Gaza will be seen favorably by all sides, apart from Hamas and the Islamic Jihad. Abbas, unlike Hamas, will receive Egyptian support and economic aid from Saudi Arabia and the oil states. The efficient security cooperation with the IDF in the West Bank will apply to the Strip too.

    The Palestinian president will be perceived in the territories as the person who stopped Israel from recapturing Gaza and ended the nightmare of the Hamas rule, the poverty and the Israeli bombings.

    The Hamas government workers will return to the PA and get their salaries. The PA’s security officers will regain the respect they lost in Hamas’ violet coup in 2007. A united and reinforced rule of Gaza by Abbas could also revalidate the negotiations with Israel, which have been completely futile until now, when he barely controlled the West Bank.

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  10. Foreign Minister Avigdor Liberman and Norwegian Foreign Minister Borge Brende ran to bomb shelters twice during their visit to Ashkelon Wednesday
    …
    Liberman also pointed out that many in the international community call for Israel to return to pre-1967 lines, but that Israel did that in Gaza and received missiles shot at all of Israel in return.
    …
    Barzilay doctors treated over 200 patients for injuries related to rockets in recent weeks, including one severe injury – Levy – and one death on Tuesday.
    …
    When Brende and Liberman heard an Ashkelon home, which also served as a children’s clinic, was directly hit by a Grad missile, they went to visit the victims.

    As emergency staff, including police sappers, firefighters, electric company and tax authority workers, busily dealt with the aftermath of the missile’s hit, Liberman exhorted citizens of Israel to follow Home Front Command safety instructions. He commended the teenage girl who was in the house and remained unscathed because she entered a safe room.
    http://www.jpost.com/Operation-Protective-Edge/Rockets-land-during-Norwegian-FMs-visit-to-Ashkelon-363034

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  11. I watched Israeli news and there were no numerous children patients at this home only because today is the day when the mother (who is a doctor in the family) works in a hospital. Other parts of missiles fell near and at schools. One broke school’s roof. Fortunately, we are in the summer and there were no children inside. Had Hamas ceased the fire, no children and adults would die.

    I watched parts of video about Paris and attack at the synagogue. Horrible.
    Quote

    Safer under missiles in Tel Aviv than on the streets of Paris

    After desecrating one of the most famous monuments of French history, yelling “Israel murderer” and “Israel go away, Palestine is not yours” (certainly ignoring the fact that Israel evacuated Gaza nine years ago), some of these protesters attacked a Jewish synagogue.

    The Jewish worshipers inside the synagogue of Rue de la Roquette (ironically …) came to pray for the people and soldiers of Israel, for peace, and themselves became victims of this conflict.

    “Death to the Jews,” shouted hundreds of French people outside the building, forcing the women, children and elderly people inside to barricade themselves. The men stayed near the entrance, trying to push away this rabid crowd which wanted to barge into the synagogue.

    I cannot imagine the fear and anxiety that gripped these people, especially the older ones, some of whom may have lived through the darkest hours of the French Occupation.

    Sitting on my couch in Tel Aviv, I suddenly realized that I was worried about my family, my friends, the Jews of France, while I literally live in the middle of the source of the conflict.
    http://www.i24news.tv/en/opinion/37301-140715-safer-under-missiles-in-tel-aviv-than-on-the-streets-of-pari

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  12. Gotta love this. Israeli army kills children for sport and the Hasbara brigade rolls in immediately, demanding sympathy for themselves. Nicely done, el.

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    1. If Palestinian children aren’t “Hasbara” (which they aren’t), then Israeli side’s suffering isn’t “Hasbara” either. I know I am in a much better situation than Gazans, fortunately to me. And in a better one than citizens of Israeli cities, which have 30 seconds to hide, when siren sounds, not 1.5 minute like me.

      May be, you will feel a bit about those Israeli victims:

      “Two sisters, aged 11 and 13, from a Beduin village near Beersheba, were seriously wounded by a Gazan rocket attack on Monday.”

      I chose article with photos of the girls, even though it’s in Hebrew.

      http://ynet.co.il.d4p.net/articles/0,7340,L-4544431,00.html

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  13. I just found this channel, have been watching for last 1/2 hour to Lucy Aharish’s program, which name I haven’t checked yet (top right part of the page):
    http://www.i24news.tv/en/

    So far, I like Lucy Aharish’s (Israeli Arab) program at this channel since:

    1) Many interviewed people are Arabs (including from Gaza) – for instance, a Gazan woman – missed who she is, you can hear what people think, “reading between the lines”

    2) One speaker talked about Israeli – Palestinian nationalisms, things having to develop slowly till both sides’ worldviews change. According to him, Israeli society has already begun going the way of understanding that there are limits to military might. About the Gazan woman from above, he said one could hear hints of future beginning to move along this way too.

    3) I haven’t known that all Hamas infrastructure (training camps, missiles, leadership) are underground. Thus, Israel can only hit homes of leaders (empty homes, after warning people).

    4) Just to make sure everybody understands: South of Israel has been under missiles during “quiet period.” (Quiet, from Tel Aviv’s pov)

    5) She asks hard questions from Israeli experts too. “Why not let Abbas and Palestinians have a country?” This expert said that Abbas wants a country without peace, in violation of Oslo agreements. Also, that, without IDF, Hamas would’ve taken control over the West Bank long ago. That Abbas can’t sign a peace agreement.

    Btw, while I have been listening, this channel reported about another missile hitting Ashdod school. Also, Israel agreed to 6-hour ceasefire tomorrow, which UN proposed.

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  14. // Also, Israel agreed to 6-hour ceasefire tomorrow, which UN proposed.

    Sorry, 5-hour humanitarian ceasefire. Between 10:00 – 15:00 .
    But, according to Israeli military official, if Hamas continues shooting during those hours, Israel will continue attacking.
    Wonder if Hamas will decide to shoot anyway during those hours.

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  15. Updates:

    1. Hamas agreed to ceasefire.

    2. At roughly 4:30 (at night) IDF forces identified some 13 Gaza terrorists who attempted to penetrate into Israel through a tunnel from Gaza Strip Thursday morning. […] to launch a terror attack on an Israeli community.

    –> Many people think we must have at least limited ground operation to destroy those tunnels into Israel. One success, and we’ll have numerous killed and kidnapped, including children. As happened in Itamar massacre, when terrorists succeeded to enter and killed both parents and their three children (11 years, 4 years and 3 months).

    3. After past protests grew violent, with attacks on synagogues, Jewish stores, French bar pro-Palestinians anti-Gaza operation demonstrations.

    Roger Cukierman, head of France’s leading Jewish organization, CRIF described the current tensions as the worst in decades. During other intifadas in recent years, when anger mounted in France, he said, “We heard death to Israelis. Now we hear death to Jews.” He said anti-Arab discrimination in France feeds the anger.

    renowned Nazi hunter Serge Klarsfeld:

    “The Jewish population … cornered on the one hand by the right, the extreme right, which is gaining electoral support, and is still anti-Semitic in its ideology and in its ranks, and on the other hand, by pro-Palestinian forces, by the extreme left, by disaffected youth from suburban housing projects, and by the Muslim population in general …
    History tells us that when there is an anti-Jewish movement we cannot control, the best thing to do is to move to another country,”

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  16. Last comment so far, so that not to spam:

    1) I am not very happy about it since “would not protect against non-conventional weapons” anyway and since we have a shelter below in our building already.

    Israel set to require all households to build reinforced rooms
    The average family would spend close to $30,000 – a year’s salary for many —to fulfill the mandate.
    http://www.i24news.tv/en/news/israel/diplomacy-defense/37428-140717-israel-set-to-require-all-households-to-build-reinforced-rooms

    2) I am still naive. Was surprised by “A five-hour ceasefire for humanitarian relief purposes was violated two hours after it went into effect”. Previously, Hamas offered his plan for 10-year ceasefire (with demands Israel can’t agree to). People on websites ask how one can negotiate about anything, if previous agreements aren’t worth the paper they are on from Hamas’ point of view.

    3) I usually like badtrux since he tends to sound reasonable, but this article – wanted to ask what you think about its horrible future predictions:

    Israel kills more terrorists

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  17. You previously asked about the killers of the Israeli Arab teen:
    http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4547164,00.html

    Currently it appears likely that at least two of the defendants will plead insanity befor the court in Jerusalem.
    …
    Earlier in the week, Ynet learned that Ben-David has had a difficult history of mental health problems, which he will most likely use in his defense during the trial. When his daughter was only one month old he threatened to murder her and was arrested.

    The police claimed that he had began to choke the young baby, but stopped when his wife entered the room. As a result of the incident his family committed him to a mental hospital and he was separated from his family.

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  18. “13 Golani Brigade soldiers killed in Gaza over past 24 hours” –> In total, 18 Israeli soldiers have been killed. So far.

    “Israel’s military mission in Gaza to destroy tunnels used by Hamas for terrorist attacks is being done fairly quickly, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told CNN on Sunday.”

    The tunnels were going to be used to create Israeli 9/11. Kill and kidnap numerous Israelis, soldiers and/or civilians. Inside them were found sleeping drugs (to prevent the future kidnapped from struggling), which were also found on terrorists, who attempted to cross into Israel during the last days via one of tunnels.

    Some things Netanyahu said today to Israeli press (reporting of his words from my memory):

    “Hamas’s two strategic weapons – missiles and tunnels – are being destroyed in this operation. Currently, Hamas is alone, criticized by Arab world too, and only Iran with Qatar continue supporting it. Those tunnels were built using Qatar’s money.

    If you give up land, in today’s Middle East, you’ll end up with organizations like Hamas, Islamic Jihad and Hizballah. It’s simply reality, regardless of one being Israeli Right or Left.

    The goal of current operation is restoring quiet to Israeli cities and demilitarization of Hamas. More long-term goals [as I have understood] include getting the world opinion understand that Hamas is part of the problem, but not part of the solution.”

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  19. Btw, a news reporter asked Netanyahu how the latter could agree to a ceasefire just a few days ago, without taking care of the tunnels. PM answered that he was almost sure Hamas wouldn’t agree to Egypt’s offer and, if Hamas surprisingly agreed, Netanyahu would’ve continued taking care of the tunnels via diplomatic means. That everything will be achieved either by military or by diplomatic channels. Meanwhile, agreeing to several ceasefires gave Israel international support for operation in Gaza.

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  20. A Temp Agency for Academics
    Staffing agencies are a familiar feature of most labor markets, but not in the rarified precincts of the academy. That may be changing: Community colleges in Michigan have started to outsource the hiring and “on-boarding” of adjuncts to an educational staffing company, reports Inside Higher Ed.
    http://www.the-american-interest.com/blog/2014/07/26/a-temp-agency-for-academics/

    First comment is “Next, can we hire administrators the same way?”

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  22. Satanists Demand Religious Exemption From Abortion Restrictions, Cite Hobby Lobby Ruling
    http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/07/28/3464769/satanists-hobby-lobby-abortion/

    Other news – Instead of cease-fire, the operation is widened. Btw, our PM thinks the Israeli / Palestinian conflict should be managed, not solved in a near future. And he has apparently tried to stop already, not as some say “lets end Hamas(‘s power) now (by continuing)”. However, Hamas hasn’t achieved its goals and isn’t ready to stop (shooting numerous missiles, attempting to use tunnels for mega-terrorist act, etc.)

    Somebody offers a new solution, which sounds great, but demands American money (to Egypt):

    The unilateral route: A third option against Hamas
    Analysis: Active Egyptian involvement in Gaza Strip after Israeli withdrawal could be even more effective and intimidating than IDF tank barrels in Saja’iyya.
    http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4551087,00.html

    “The main disadvantage is that Egypt has no motivation to volunteer for such a move, unless it is accompanied by a comprehensive and considerable aid package for the Egyptian economy. This is the greatest existential threat faced by Abdel Fattah al-Sisi’s government. Such aid should come from the United States and Saudi Arabia.”

    -el

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