A Long Checkout

“This is weird,” the cashier said, picking up the first of the items I had placed on the counter. “Why does it say “rabbit” here?”

“Because it is,” I explained.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a rabbit.”

“Like, an actual rabbit?” the cashier asked. When I nodded, she started making gagging sounds.

“My parents tried to palm one off on me about 40 years ago when I was a little kid but I knew at once it wasn’t chicken. Bleh!” the cashier shared.

I looked at the rest of my purchases, saw gooseberries, fresh tiger figs, Kevita, grapeseed oil, chicken livers, pluots and daikon and realized this was going to be another long checkout.

15 thoughts on “A Long Checkout

  1. And how can you have a “tiger fig”, is that like a tiger’s testicle — and isn’t it wrong to eat an endangered species because you think it is an aphrodisiac?

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      1. “But tofu tastes like nothing …”

        “Oh, I season mine with a special sauce, it’s called sambal naga jolokia.”

        “Really?”

        “Yes, you can make your own by buying naga jolokia peppers and grinding them up to make the sauce …”

        Anyone who attempts this will not get past the point of grinding up the capsicums in question, simply because these are the hottest ones in the world. Anyone who is a complete “casual” to chile peppers will be more worried about decontaminating their kitchen and getting the hot burning stuff out of their eyes …

        “So did you try the sambal I suggested?”

        [evil grin]

        Also, on a partly related matter, when I think of you behind the wheel, I now think of “Bitchin’ Camaro” by The Dead Milkmen — there’s an amusing lead-up that sounds like some of your recent interactions with the great unwashed:

        You should tell people that your dealer had to drive your fine German land barge up from the Bahamas … 🙂

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      1. Well, a few days ago, a video of Montrealers reacting negatively to an Inuk woman plucking a peregrine bird in a plastic bag on the train went viral, so, I wonder where buying an already-skinned and butchered lapin falls on the Canadian squick scale?

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      2. The cashier probably thought of the rabbit as
        Thumper .
        I take it people don’t eat or hunt deer where you live?

        I don’t buy the spices I use or some of the more unfamiliar foods at the local grocery store, simply because I can get them for much cheaper and better quality at the farmer’s mart or the specialty grocery store. But I have a car and am able to travel.

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        1. Yes, people hunt deer. But I’ve never seen venison served or sold anywhere which is weird. We have SO MANY deer around here that people have been given permits to shoot pregnant deer, even.

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  2. Gooseberries… sadly never available to me in South Australia. I haven’t had one in nearly 30 years.

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  3. When I first moved to my current address a place across the street sold nutria and the first time I bought it the lady behind me launched into a lecture on how to prepare it….. she was wrong. When I did learn how to prepare it, it was freakin’ delicious (like light beef if you can imagine such a thing). I need to find another place that sells nutria.

    As a kid, while staying with country cousins they once served delicious chunks of fried meat which I gulped down until I found out it was…. turle (fresh water – and not any kind of endangered species).

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  4. Sigh…. the supermarkets need to spend a little time on training people before they turn them loose on the cash registers. It’s NOT good customer service to be gagging at any item sold in the store. And I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to explain to a cashier how to tell the difference between a cucumber and a zucchini.

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