Eastern European Wives Are the Best
A funny controversy broke out on Italian TV when a newscaster suggested that Italian men should marry Eastern European women for the following reasons:
They stay in the kitchen and cook.
Yes, absolutely. We cook mountains of terribly unhealthy food the sight of which would give any doctor a heart attack. We also loudly denigrate any foodstuffs that belong to other cuisines and will make the life miserable for anybody who wants to eat them.
They’re women who clean the house.
Yes. We also drive insane any husband who wants to do anything else but constantly improve with DIY projects the house that we clean.
They forgive adultery.
Oh, absolutely. But only because Eastern European women cheat like they breathe. It would be weird not to forgive what you yourself constantly do.
They become mothers but don’t get fat.
No, that’s a total myth. Getting fat is the central goal of our existence.
They always dress decently.
Of course, there are different definitions of “decently”. If you mean the definition of “fit to be worn by a washed-out sex worker at a trucker hangout” or “fit to be worn by Kellyanne Conway”, which amounts to the same thing, then absolutely.
They don’t whine, nag and complain.
So true. Instead, we scream and throw cast-iron pans at people’s heads.
And they obey a husband’s commands.
Oh yes. We love to say things like, “My husband practically commanded me to buy the pearl necklace and I was forced to obey.” The terrified husband usually giggles nervously nearby.
These six female virtues make them great wives.
Without a doubt. The best wife is the one who guides the husband towards boundless joy with an iron fist and a crow voice.