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Clarissa's Blog

An academic's opinions on feminism, politics, literature, philosophy, teaching, academia, and a lot more.

Eastern European Wives Are the Best

A funny controversy broke out on Italian TV when a newscaster suggested that Italian men should marry Eastern European women for the following reasons:

They stay in the kitchen and cook. 

Yes, absolutely. We cook mountains of terribly unhealthy food the sight of which would give any doctor a heart attack. We also loudly denigrate any foodstuffs that belong to other cuisines and will make the life miserable for anybody who wants to eat them.

They’re women who clean the house. 

Yes. We also drive insane any husband who wants to do anything else but constantly improve with DIY projects the house that we clean.

They forgive adultery. 

Oh, absolutely. But only because Eastern European women cheat like they breathe. It would be weird not to forgive what you yourself constantly do.

They become mothers but don’t get fat. 

No, that’s a total myth. Getting fat is the central goal of our existence.

They always dress decently. 

Of course, there are different definitions of “decently”. If you mean the definition of “fit to be worn by a washed-out sex worker at a trucker hangout” or “fit to be worn by Kellyanne Conway”, which amounts to the same thing, then absolutely. 

They don’t whine, nag and complain. 

So true. Instead, we scream and throw cast-iron pans at people’s heads. 

And they obey a husband’s commands. 

Oh yes. We love to say things like, “My husband practically commanded me to buy the pearl necklace and I was forced to obey.” The terrified husband usually giggles nervously nearby.

These six female virtues make them great wives.

Without a doubt. The best wife is the one who guides the husband towards boundless joy with an iron fist and a crow voice.

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7 thoughts on “Eastern European Wives Are the Best

  1. c u n d gulag on said:

    ROTFLMAO!!!

    I’m first-generation Russian-American, and I love Slavic women.

    But these are all of the reasons why I never married!

    And besides, as a Slavic man, I’m not exactly a day at the beach, either…

    Like

  2. Spiderbaby on said:

    Oh boy, I didn’t see that tv show, but I heard and read various opinions in the aftermath of it.
    A particularly egregious one came from a famous “intellectual” who said that every man wants a wife who’s always sexy ( if you dare wear a pajama, he’ll kick you out of bed), that it’s racist to criticize the culture of other countries (whish is male dominance, apparently) and that these women are smart because they manipulate men with their womanly wiles.
    I felt bad for half a second, then I remembered your comments on eastern european women and wished so hard he would score a slavic woman who would manipulate him under her submissive thumb.

    Like

  3. Shakti on said:

    Was this dude an MRA? They tend to masturbate constantly over their idea of Slavic women.

    I thought Italian men wanted their wives to cook just like Mamma does, but what do I know?

    Like

  4. Evelina Anville on said:

    This is off topic but still related to the general topic of women and marriage. At any rate, I thought you might enjoy this article. http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/sarrah-le-marquand-it-should-be-illegal-to-be-a-stayathome-mum/news-story/fbd6fe7b79e8b4136d49d991b6a1f41c

    Personally, I thought it was great. Here is my favorite bit:

    “Only when the female half of the population is expected to hold down a job and earn money to pay the bills in the same way that men are routinely expected to do will we see things change for the better for either gender.

    Only when it becomes the norm for all families to have both parents in paid employment, and sharing the stress of the work-home juggle, will we finally have a serious conversation about how to achieve a more balanced modern workplace.

    Only when the tiresome and completely unfounded claim that “feminism is about choice” is dead and buried (it’s not about choice, it’s about equality) will we consign restrictive gender stereotypes to history.”

    Predictably everyone is excoriating the author. But I think she is pretty much spot on.

    Like

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