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Clarissa's Blog

An academic's opinions on feminism, politics, literature, philosophy, teaching, academia, and a lot more.

Excuse

This sweet, sweet moment when he finally gives you an excuse to walk out:

A Bernie Sanders supporter says she separated from her husband of 22 years after finding out that he had decided to vote for President Donald Trump.

I felt exactly this way when I left my 1st husband 19 years ago. My excuse was that he’d found a job but forgot to mention it to me, pretending that he’d been out of the house every day roaming the streets in depressed desperation. I was worrying my head off over his suffering but it turned out the fellow simply wanted to keep his paycheck to himself while I paid all the bills. 

I was actually happy when I found out because I was finally free to leave. 

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8 thoughts on “Excuse

  1. Shakti on said:

    I was worrying my head off over his suffering but it turned out the fellow simply wanted to keep his paycheck to himself while I paid all the bills.
    You didn’t have a pretext before?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I didn’t leave my ex when I wanted to because:

    1/ he was massively stressed over his green card procedure and said the stress of losing me at the same time was too much. I made a promise to stick around until the card arrived. I didn’t mention it again, since the deal was made. He was very surprised to discover I had meant it. When the card arrived we celebrated. Then I started to pack. I can be cold, I do guess.

    2/ he had child onset diabetes that he was not managing responsibly. The dynamic he created around this, so many medical emergencies, was a major reason I wanted to leave. But I felt it was unethical to leave someone because they were sick. I had to realize that it wasn’t the illness, it was the way he was using it that was the problem, and also allow myself to keep in mind that there were multiple other reasons why I wanted to leave.

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    • Gosh: notice how I was cast as his caretaker, I am saying as I read my comment. There is nothing I dislike more than that role, and I also find it very anti-romantic. Feeling coerced into it is yet worse.

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      • And also: the relationship was affecting work negatively, which was one of the problems, but I did not realize I had the right to consider that a problem! I kept telling myself I had to just manage it all! I even came to consider this person another of my work responsibilities!

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    • It sounds so familiar. These are very widespread tricks to make a person stay. A friend’s boyfriend faked stage 4 lung cancer together with fake X-rays, etc to make her stay.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “This sweet, sweet moment when he finally gives you an excuse to walk out”

    Getting at this late, but isn’t it more a case of “This sweet, sweet moment when he finally invalidates the excuses you were using to stay”

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    • Absolutely. Far from perishing without me, the fellow finally got in control of his life and even started a business. Some people are toxic for each other but great for others.

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