Monkey Business

What’s hard about raising a kid is always having to keep a million things on your mind and needing to plan every move well in advance.

One example. Klara loves her blue plastic monkey. If I show up at the daycare without the monkey, she refuses to get in the car. So when I leave for work, I need to remember to bring the monkey with me. When I arrive at daycare, I need to remember to get the monkey out of my bag and carry it inside. Before bath time, I have to find a way to hide the monkey, or Klara will want to take it in the bathtub and you can’t because it’s battery operated. Then after she gets out of the bathtub, I have to produce the monkey for Klara to take to bed. When she falls asleep, I have to sneak into her room and remove the monkey so that she doesn’t bump against it at night and wake up. In the morning, I have to hide the monkey again and distract Klara from wanting to take the monkey to daycare because they don’t allow toys. Then I have to find the darn monkey (which is not always easy) and make sure it’s on me before I go to pick Klara up.

I’m having nightmares about searching for blue monkeys at this point. And it’s just one thing. There are many more. There’s the milk bottle I have to produce when I arrive at daycare, which is not easy because there’s only one place on campus that sells whole milk and not the watered down versions. Then I need to store it in a fridge between classes and heat it up before leaving. Then there are snacks, which are a concept every mother is traumatized with for life. If I go to pick Klara up straight from class, I need to bring dinner with me and it’s got to be of the kind that can be eaten on the playground. I’m obsessed with the hourly weather forecast because I need to know early in the morning where I’m taking Klara after work. Park? Gym? Playgrounds 1, 2, or 3? Splash pad? Bookstore? Museum? Do friends need to be contacted and arranged? The packing process for each of the choices is different.

Hey, my best friend is raising 4 kids, so I feel like shit complaining about just one seriously low-maintenance child with very healthy sleeping patterns. Other than the monkey and the milk, Klara is very easy to please. 

And now excuse me, I need to go monkey-hunting again. 


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