Friends, 2

My friend is a SAHM. If she read this blog, we could ask her if she ever felt anything but 100% supported by me in that. And I know what the answer would be because I do sincerely and completely support her. Actually, all of my close female friends don’t work outside the home. And I sincerely and completely support them. I don’t start every encounter (or any encounter at all) with, “So. . . Had any job interviews recently? No? Why not?” I have zero desire to do that because interrogating my friends’ lives is the last thing I want to be doing. I have more desire to go canvass for Trump. And I really have no desire to do that at all.

As judgmental as I am on the blog, I’m the most non-judgmental, supportive and loyal person on the planet with my friends. If you are my friend and you want to paper all walls in your house with Putin’s portraits, I love you, accept you, and never question you. This is not a hypothetical. I have a friend who is a non-working, child-free, antifeminist, Ukrainian-hating Putinoid. And from her point of view, I must be a child-crazy feminazi Ukrainian nationalist and hater of Mother Russia. Ask her if it marred our friendship in any way.

To me, having people you love unconditionally is the whole point of friendship. What’s the point otherwise? To escape boredom? I have DVR and Netflix, I’m never bored.

I just don’t understand the concept of friendship that some people have. Isn’t it easier to accept that somebody is the way she is and enjoy the friendship without constantly struggling with the knowledge that she’s not you? I like myself a fair bit but I don’t need my friends to be me. They are different. And that’s actually a good thing.

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11 thoughts on “Friends, 2”

  1. I have this kind of relationship only with my family.

    Among my close friends, the worst behavior I have seen is a couple of them cheating on their partners. And I’ve not let that affect my friendship. At the same time, I’ve cut off an old college friend who now openly advocates for genocide of muslims on social media, under his real name. So, clearly I have boundaries.

    It’s one thing to not want copies of yourself, but I still want some fundamental values in common with people I like to spend time with. Actually, I don’t even think that having similar political values as someone means you’re copies of each other. My best friend and I are copies of each other politically, but it’s such a small part of our friendship, and it allows us to have a deeper relationship (think of it as a key opening the door to a magical experience).

    For me, having some things in common is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition to being friends with someone.

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    1. If we became friends in the first place, it means I’m very confident they won’t advocate genocide. But I’d end a friendship after a single racist comment, absolutely. Or a homophobic comment. That would mean I made an enormous mistake in a person.

      Actually, it did happen once. Everybody told me my friend was a piece of shit and I rejected everybody. And then she came up with a really vicious xenophobic statement. And that was it. It was over. Still hurts to think about it.

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      1. Ah ok, I misunderstood your post then. I took it to mean that once you’d made a friend, you’d be loyal to them no matter what they think or believe in. Immunity for life kinda deal.

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  2. To me, having people you love unconditionally is the whole point of friendship.
    Ah, so this is why you have maybe a handful of friends. Because you can only love that many people unconditionally.

    Of course, there is the issue of not being on the same level of friendship as you place your friend. That can hurt.

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  3. A more complicated thing to deal with would be family who hold views utterly repulsive to you.

    How do you deal with that?

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    1. I’m working on it. 🙂 And I’ve had some success. My parents actually started making some supportive noises about Pride. That’s a huge change from what was before. It’s like getting Trump sincerely to embrace women’s rights.

      So I say if it’s older people, teach them like you would small kids. Patiently and kindly explain why peeing on the floor is not a good idea. But if they are your age, I don’t know how to do that.

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  4. Dreidel

    I don’t consider the political views of my friends to be an important issue AT ALL. I don’t even know have most of them voted, and don’t really care. Some of them are nutty liberals, but they’re very good people — just misguided.

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