Ending a Relationship

You know how sometimes you need to end a relationship but aren’t managing to disentangle yourself emotionally? (I’m not talking about N, everybody, please calm down. It’s a different kind of relationship). There’s still the feeling that you need to explain something, there are inner monologues directed at the person in question, there’s waiting for phone calls and text messages. I know on a logical level that it’s time to let it go but it’s hard, it’s hard.

I’ve given the relationship every chance for 42 days. Not any old 42 days but the 42 days of the war. I know I should stop hoping for a miracle. If somebody who’s not from Russia and has absolutely no connection to Russia has chosen Russia over me, this simply means she’s not that into me, right?

From past experience, I vaguely remember that what helps to sever attachment is to find a replacement object to attach to. (Ideally, not a person because that’s unfair to the replacement individual). I’m not seeing what that could be right now because my life is pretty full at the moment.

It feels stupid to whine about something like this when there’s a war going on but it still hurts.

7 thoughts on “Ending a Relationship

  1. “… has absolutely no connection to Russia has chosen Russia over me …”

    Are you certain about that?

    Because some people have very interesting if not odd ideas about what their particular choices of objet petit a should be.

    But some space is a good thing, if only to let this person work out what the particular attachment to the “autre” happens to be, and perhaps what it’s a proxy for.

    Never confuse the desire for an exit from the present-day situation for some kind of tangible political idea, theory, or position, let alone a basis for civil society.

    In “The Matrix”, do you think Neo would have jumped into an open sewer just to get away from an Agent, solely on the basis that it might work because it’d never been tried?

    How well would that have worked?

    You’re assuming people actually try out the ideas they think they want to own.

    How many of them show up as a consequence of petty theft or suddenly appear unannounced?

    You think that’s dialectic you’re hearing, Neo? 🙂


      1. No, it’s pretty clear and all true. It isn’t Russia that my friend has chosen over me. It’s an image of herself as somebody so intellectually superior to the rest of the world that she glimpsed a hologram where everybody else sees a real war. She’s choosing her wounded ego that needs the salve of this enormous fantasy. If there’s really a war in Ukraine, then she’s just a regular person. And for whatever reason, this is intolerable to her right now.


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