Psychosomatic

My infected ear turned into another illness which, in turn, brought on yet another health complication. It’s clear that at this point this is psychosomatic. The illnesses began at the exact moment when I realized my father was going to die. I didn’t let myself fall apart emotionally, so now I’m falling apart physically to compensate. I can control the emotional, so the physical rebels because I can’t control it.

I’m hoping that recording this insight will lead to a cure because I’m tired of being an invalid. These are really uncomfortable conditions. I’m very ready to not have them. And yes, I have another doctor’s appointment. They’ve only made things worse so far. They prescribe stuff that gives me side effects that turn into another illness and we are off to the races.

11 thoughts on “Psychosomatic

  1. I think this may the only forum in which I could mention this without being completely and totally trounced for brining it up, but is it possible that your vax may be exacerbating what could otherwise have been an easily curable issue? It might be worth following one of the post-vaccination protocols for “side effect mitigation protocol.” I used one that is also used to help with post-Covid issues (in my case, months of everything smelling absolutely terrible) and within a week was 90% better, issue was totally fixed within a month.

    https://covid19criticalcare.com/covid-19-protocols/i-recover-post-vaccine-treatment/

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I didn’t even think about this but wow, it might be the cause. Thank you for the protocol! I’m on it asap.

      By the way, it was you who suggested garlic oil for the ear infection, right? If it was you, thank you kindly. It really helped. The stupid antibiotic did absolutely nothing except give me the worst diarrhea of my life. It was akin to having some tropical dysentery. But the garlic oil was magical.

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      1. Yes, that was me. A friend gave me that suggestion years ago, and it has saved us many trips to the doctor. Glad it was helpful!

        I hope you’re able to find all the items you need. I was able to get the Ivermectin through a telemedicine visit with Dr. Syed Haider (https://drsyedhaider.com/ ). I had to use a compounding pharmacy to get it filled after the local chains all refused to do it.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Very helpful! I’ve now been prescribed a steroid which I really don’t want to take, so I’ll do the cleansing protocol you recommended instead. I’m fed up with feeling like a wreck all the time. But I totally should have figured out that the vaccine suppresses the immune system.

          Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, that was me. A friend passed along the garlic oil suggestion years ago, and it has saved us many trips to the doctor. Glad it was helpful!

        I hope you’re able to find all the items you need. My regular doctor scoffed at the suggestion that there was a protocol that could help, but eventually I was able to get the Ivermectin through a telemedicine visit with Dr. Syed Haider (https://drsyedhaider.com/ ). I had to use a compounding pharmacy to get it filled after the local chains all refused to do it, and that turned out to be such a great pharmacy that it’s now the only one I use.

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  2. “infected ear … psychosomatic. The illnesses began at the exact moment when I realized”

    Very metaphoric, your subconscioius reacted by attacking the channel through which you received the news (assuming that was by telephone).

    I totally believe in that kind of thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My sister told me, “the doctors said they need to talk to us.” He was already in the ICU and unconscious. Of course, I knew what the doctors were going to say. And that’s when my hearing shut down. And it hasn’t come back because I don’t want to hear any other bad news.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. FWIW, if the problem is what you think it is… it might help to arrange to be alone more, and consciously let yourself experience your grief. You loved him. You love him still. The grief is the normal, natural result. It hurts because you love him. It’s OK to feel that. You need to. Trying to avoid feeling it (doesn’t matter what your reasons are we all need to be functional sometimes) warps you.

    For me it wasn’t my health that tried to bend out of shape, it was my thoughts and emotions: in trying to escape pain, I could see myself veering off into inchoate anger, which then went looking for targets. It was not good. Perhaps illness is simply the way you bend when you try to avoid the big giant thing right in front of you, you know?

    So don’t avoid it. Let yourself feel it. It’s right to feel that way when you lose someone you love that much. Look at it straight on, don’t let your feet veer off to the right or the left. Step into the furnace. There is no “around”, only through. The fire is purifying, and you’ll come out the other side transformed.

    Grief changes you. You get to choose whether it burns off the dross in your soul or just twists you into something ugly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Grief changes you”

      My metaphor is that grief (or mourning) is a long and narrow path through a dangerous place. There are no detours or u-turns, you need to walk through it and as long as you stay on the path you’ll be okay, you can occasionally stop for a bit but you can’t turn back, you’ve got to start walking again and eventually you’ll emerge stronger (or at least no weaker) than before.

      Grief doesn’t destroy people, but attempts to deny grief or wish it away or take some weird shortcut can destroy them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly.

        What it felt like the last time around was like walking through a smelting furnace. Or like having my skin sandblasted off every day for months. But even while it was going on, I was granted this really weird and totally uncharacteristic clarity about it: I was being reshaped. Any attempt to avoid the pain involved– escapism, deflection into anger, hiding from it, anything like that– was going to screw it up and leave me mangled and twisted. The sandblaster had to be aimed properly, no squirming or shielding yourself or it all goes wrong. You’re not allowed to be a coward. Pick up your glowing ingot and carry it. It’s a gift.

        Embrace it, feel it all, take it in, stick to the path no matter how painful, and you come out whole. Different, but whole.

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