Breaking Out of a Pattern

My mother has 5 sisters. All 5 ended up with abusive husbands. Beatings, verbal abuse, STDs passed on by cheating husbands, death threats, more beatings. One was thrown out of the house in winter with a 6-month-old baby. My father took them in and being a surrogate father to the baby. Another had such a violent husband that her son ended up disabled trying to protect her.

My mother is the only one of the 6 sisters who broke out of the abuse cycle and found a husband who never said a single mean word to her in 47 years. And consequently, her daughters have completely different lives.

A lot of things are defined by our circumstances but we can always rise above them. It rarely happens but people do have a capacity to break out of negative patterns.

Often, though, they choose not to. That baby my father took in grew up, and I had to end my relationship with him because he once came to my father’s house and started saying horrible antisemitic things in the house of a Jewish uncle who had taken him in when his own dad threw him out like a used condom. This now grown man has been used and disrespected by every woman in his life.

The aunt whose son became disabled trying to defend her from the violent dad went back to the abusive husband after they were divorced and he had a new woman in his life.

There was every reason for all 6 sisters to end up in abusive relationships. But one of them didn’t. My mother ended a relationship with a boyfriend she liked more than my dad and chose my dad because the boyfriend disrespected her once. Ultimately, we do decide much of the course of our lives. Not everything, of course, but a lot is in our hands.

Also, my mother is the only one of the sisters who never had an abortion even though she was the only one who got seriously pressured to abort. She had the best excuse but never gave in. So it wasn’t just one instance of making a choice and sticking to it, is what I’m saying.

2 thoughts on “Breaking Out of a Pattern

  1. This is lovely. New reader here. I share much of your cultural background and your blog is fascinating.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.