Outsourcing Parenting

In all honesty, if the parents don’t know this kind of thing about their kids and need the school to inform them, it kind of explains why the kids have issues. I’m 46 years old and for the past 20 years I’ve lived in a different country than my father. But until the day he died he knew the details of the changes I was introducing into each of my articles, let alone something as major as gender confusion. Which I don’t experience precisely because I did have involved parents.

People want to outsource their parenting and then complain about the results. The question should be: what have you done today and every day to remain a moral and intellectual authority for your child? Yes, it would be better if schools didn’t promote idiotic ideas. But I went to a Soviet school where there was nothing but idiotic ideas. It had zero effect because no school can have a millionth part of the importance and impact of one’s parents. Why are we for economic self-reliance but not for parental responsibility and self-reliance?

14 thoughts on “Outsourcing Parenting

  1. “don’t know this kind of thing about their kids and need the school to inform them”

    I agree in principle, but I think that this is about teachers/counsellors….. grooming kids. It seems very much like the classic pedophile tactic of finding vulnerable kids and then making sure that mommy and daddy don’t know about the special relationship/things that the teacher/counsellor is getting up to with them….

    And… the whole trans kids thing is a narrative they’re trying to pull as many kids into as possible.

    Many years ago I had a class with a professor involved in disability studies… one of the things he talked about was how institutions created to help people tend to create narratives that those they’re supposed to serve are supposed to follow. One particular example was blindness, the organizations in one country had lots of protocols for dealing with blind people but didn’t know how to deal with partially sighted people and so they essentially turned them into blind people systemically discouraged from using what sight they had. Not so much ill will but institutional inertia…

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    1. This. A policy of notifying-parents isn’t about making sure the parents know. Any parent who gives a crap knows. It’s about making sure the school staff think two or three times about recruiting.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I absolutely agree that the schools should inform their parents and immediately stop all discussions of “gender” and sexuality.

        But I don’t understand why, in all the endless discussions of the sudden explosion in trans identification, nobody ever brings up the parents. If there’s a 1,500% growth in this issue, shouldn’t we find out what the parents are doing to make it happen?

        I read a long, weepy article the other day about a woman whose daughter “suddenly” decided she’s a boy and refuses to see the mother because she prefers to be with her stepmother. We are supposed to believe this crazy story when the reality can be glimpsed behind the self-serving narrative created by the mother.

        Here’s the article: https://www.iwf.org/identity-crisis-jeannette/

        And they are all like this.

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        1. There are a lot of things that don’t automatically result from some terminal current fault of the parents. But I’d guess those are not the parents whingeing about the situation fishing for validation and luvz on social medial.

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        2. To clarify: I think the schools can be huge influencers in spite of parents, because there are a lot of parents out there who are stuck in really crappy parenting situations, like doing the single-parent thing and working a zillion hours a week to make ends meet, so they’re hardly even available for their kids, or acrimonious divorce situations where all their sincere attempts at good parenting are constantly being undermined by the other parent whose goal in life is to get revenge on the person they reproduced with. Sure, there was probably a lot those people could have done to avoid getting into those crappy parenting situations to begin with. But there you go. I think there are a non-trivial number of parents out there who are fighting a losing battle against crappy schools and the dominant social-media culture. And it’s not always because they’re horrible parents. I know at least a couple who are fighting as hard as they can, and getting their hearts ripped out in the process. It’s not just the trans thing. It’s everything. If you only have eight hours a week with your kid, the school system has forty, tiktok and snapchat get the remainder no matter how many times you confiscate illicit devices and delete the accounts… the odds are seriously stacked against you.

          The lesson here is of course, don’t reproduce with crazy women, and don’t be a single parent. But if you’ve already made those mistakes…. what are your options? There are a lot of people out there who’ve made those mistakes and are still out there every day trying to fight the good fight. The very least we could do is try to force the school system to be a neutral party instead of an active adversary.

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        3. “nobody ever brings up the parents”

          Well…. (deep breath) there does seem to be a phenomenon of… trans-moms who try to achieve vicarious atttention through ‘transitioning’ their children, the younger the better….

          Exulansic’s dissection of the “I am Jazz” reality show really points to the mother using the son (who seems like a sweet caring soul at heart) and his desire to please her to grab a bunch of attention and validation for herself… nasty stuff.

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  2. “People want to outsource their parenting and then complain about the results. The question should be: what have you done today and every day to remain a moral and intellectual authority for your child?”

    That’s a really huge ask in many cases.

    I’ve been following a bit of “Internet drama” involving an ex-MIL guy who’s been going through the absolute hell of family courts at “speedrun any%”, in which he’s attempting to remedy what could be a long-term problem of raising a grandchild in an environment with blame-free adults who have been reported as “coming up hot” on drug tests.

    The mother’s intelligence has also been reported to be in the vicinity of -1.5 SD.

    Let’s say what’s been reported is mostly true for the sake of making further points, and that even if it’s partly fiction, there are other people in these situations who are like this.

    How do you get moral and intellectual authority from someone who’s fundamentally unaware of actual circumstances, someone whose first resort to being questioned is to seek “moral support” from Internet social media so that she may then divert responsibility to anywhere else?

    The base expectation should be: what have you done today to be a functional adult whose care doesn’t represent an existential threat to any child?

    I’ll go as far as stating that parents who seek to outsource their parenting in ways that could prove to be existential threats to any child do not act like functional adults, and for that reason alone should not be left to care for any children, theirs or others.

    No further moral or intellectual arguments are necessary.

    But don’t think that the children will ever forget the abuse.

    Abuse stories aren’t fun, and I have my own, but the short version: I made bloody well sure an abusive family member didn’t get out of Crown custody while that person was alive.

    Receiving the official news that the family member had “passed on” wasn’t anything but a relief, first for the other affected families, then for my own.

    Things turned out all right mostly for me, although I’ve had trouble forming relationships, which is why I am so very patient with this one.

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    1. Of course, there’s all kind of terrible abuse. My husband grew up in a very abusive family, and nobody cared, nobody did anything. It’s horrible.

      But also, if we are experiencing this huge crisis that everybody is talking about, then why is such a taboo to look at the causes?

      My sister’s kid is on the verge of becoming a teenager. She put up a BLM slogan and her pronouns on social media because everybody does it. She doesn’t even understand what they mean. My sister talked to her, and the kid understood and took this garbage down. But of course, there were 13 years of building a relationship before this, which is why it worked.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “… then why is such a taboo to look at the causes?”

        Because nobody wants to talk about how “narcissistic injury” is so common.

        Instead as long as the pharma-industrial complex medicates it into being sub rosa or as a “high-functioning BPD”, everyone likes to pretend that everyone’s OK when they’re not.

        “I’m OK, You’re OK” … fine, I prefer to test this assumption at my convenience. 🙂

        As for your sister’s kid, when I was younger, I had a bumper sticker made that said, “Only 55p a day can fund a Nicaraguan freedom fighter”.

        Back then there were actual punks and skinheads in politics, such as the legendary one from Chingford who would give it back to the Left better and harder than the Left would give it to him.

        But many of them came about because the people living in these places realised the thing they hated more than being talked down to for being on the Right was when it came from someone notionally on the Right.

        As your sister explained to her kid how her petit bourgeois cause celebre just made her a Lumpenprole Socialist Agitator, the realisation and shock on the kid’s face could have made an awesome Internet video on “How you look when your bullshit causes are revealed”.

        I still think 55p a day for a Nicaraguan freedom fighter is a pretty good deal. 🙂

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      2. Also …

        If you haven’t watched the music video for Orbital’s “Halcyon”, watch it.

        Kirsty Hawkshaw’s a lovely lady I’d met ages ago, but I have to say that her portrayal of a housewife medicated out of her mind on Halcion (a benzodiazepine drug) creeps me out incredibly.

        Orbital deliberately made the video even more creepy by backwards sampling one of Kirsty Hawkshaw’s songs with Opus III called “It’s A Fine Day”.

        It’s creepy to me because images come back of a certain family member behaving exactly like that.

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  3. “it would be better if schools didn’t promote idiotic ideas”

    I’m sure it’s been mentioned before but… isn’t a big part of the frreakzoid pronoun teachers posting their crazy on tiktok and the whole “trans kids” thing about sabotaging public education and… nudging parents to find other arrangements where mentally ill people are less likely to glom onto their kids?

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    1. School. Choice. Now. Everybody gets an education account. Something like the EITC tax credit goes into it– the per-child share of whatever tax income would otherwise have gone to the school system. It can be spent on any education program: private schools, music lessons, tech certifications, vocational programs, summer camps, nature schools, hire your own tutors, anything.

      Yes, there will be problems. Will they be bigger than the current problems?

      Liked by 1 person

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