How to Avoid Being Rude?

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Clarissa

March 31, 2026

I was at a meeting today that ran over the allotted time because one person was very inconsiderate and just kept talking. The other three people in the room with us were higher-ranking male administrators who were needed elsewhere. People kept peeking into the room to ask if we were done because they had their own meetings with the administrators.

I’m a very rude person and I recognize this openly. When the time allotted for this meeting ran out, I got up in the midst of the talkative colleague’s speech and said, “I apologize, but I’m expected at the Graduate Symposium.” Then I walked out. The polite administrators looked at me with longing.

It’s not ok to be rude, I get it, but what is one supposed to do in these situations? I had given a full hour to the meeting, which is what had been planned. I was, indeed, expected at the symposium. I always get up and leave when time runs out. Nobody else does it although it’s clear that many people really want to.

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4 responses to “How to Avoid Being Rude?”

Anonymous

March 31, 2026

I would argue that the person who droned on forever was the one being rude. Also, being late to the next thing you have planned would be rude and you getting up to leave on time is a sign of courtesy to those waiting for you.

At my university, no one blinks an eye if people get up to leave at the appointed time. It’s understood that faculty are busy people with packed schedules. If a meeting runs over, it’s also understood that either it was poorly run or the topic is meaty enough to require a second meeting, in which case one is set before everyone has to move on to their next thing. So I think you’re in good company in general. I don’t know why those other guys are just sitting around and tolerating someone else wasting their time.

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xykademiqz

March 31, 2026

Not rude of you at all. Meetings need to wrap up on time, especially when they’re in the middle of the day. People who have stuff scheduled afterwards routinely get up and leave at my university. Those without immediate obligations might stay, but I would say anything more than a couple of minutes extra generally means we need a second meeting.

Occasionally I run a couple of minutes over in my lectures, usually so I can finish a derivation I’m in the middle of. I teach late in the afternoon, so it’s not like students have other classes to run to. Still, there are students who get up the minute the class is over, pack up and leave. It’s a bit disruptive, but it’s their prerogative.

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cliff arroyo

April 1, 2026

“what is one supposed to do in these situations?”

Exactly what you did. Get the attention of the speaker, apologize* and leave as unobrusively as possible.

*a cultural rule regarding politeness in the US is that information that is possibly not going to make the receiver happy should be accompanied by some kind of expression of regret or sympathy like “I’m sorry, but…” or “Excuse me, but…” One of the things that took getting used to in Europe is that in most of the continent such expressions are not needed.

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bluebird of bitterness

April 3, 2026

I hope your eminently sensible decision to leave inspired others to follow your example.

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