I very often feel very thankful that I’m excluded from these weird social codes that seem to loom very large for many people:
Men and women face different pressures when it comes to communicating and performing confidence. Women must be humble and self-effacing (“Oh, me? I’m nothing special.”)
I’m extremely happy I heard this for the first time at the age when it is too old to start doing the fake self-effacement thing.
Here is more:
Women who are “too” confident (which often means women with a reasonable, healthy level of confidence) are disliked much more than men who are “too” confident (which is more likely to mean men who are truly unpleasantly full of themselves).
I’m definitely one of the “too confident” group. And maybe people do hate me for that, who knows? The great thing is that I live in a bubble where I’m convinced that everybody finds me amazing all of the time. It isn’t like I’m capable of noticing or caring what people really think.
With beauty specifically, women end up in a weird double bind. Women must be beautiful, but they must not be confident. So they must play up their beauty while denying having done so and while claiming outwardly that they’re not actually beautiful.
All I can feel for people who participate in this insanity is profound compassion. I wish somebody had told them that the routine described in the quote is extremely obnoxious.
I’ll have my autism instead of this miserable way of being any time.