I thought everybody was familiar with this brilliant old meme, but I just discovered there are people who aren’t, so I’m posting it here. Since it’s a very old meme, I added a few of my own lines to spice it up. If you read it and have no idea what it is about, color yourself very lucky.
My mother taught me to believe in God: “Just pray your father doesn’t hear about this!”
My mother taught me to think logically: “Because I said so, that’s why.”
My mother taught me about eating disorders: “You will not leave the table until you finish what’s on your plate.”
My mother taught me not to be envious: “There are millions of kids in the world who’d kill to have such parents as yours.”
My mother taught me to face the future: “Just wait until I get home!”
My mother taught me the basics of self-healing: “If you don’t stop squinting, your eyes will stay stuck this way for good.”
My mother taught me how to be a mind reader: “Put on your hat! I know you are cold.”
My mother taught me to fit in: “Why can’t you be like normal kids?”
My mother taught me about self-esteem: “You are such a disappointment.”
My mother taught me to believe in myself: “I told you it wasn’t going to work.”
My mother taught me about love: “What do you see in this guy?”
My mother taught me the basics of genetics: “You turned out as bad as your father.”
My mother taught me about history: “When I was your age, I never disappointed my parents this way.”
My mother taught me how to grow up: “If you don’t eat vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
My mother taught me to make friends: “I knew this new kid you are hanging out would be a bad influence on you!”
My mother taught me the love of learning: “I’ll buy it for you but only if you get a good grade in physics.”
My mother taught me to appreciate art: “Your music is giving me a head-ache.”
My mother taught me to anticipate the future: “You’ll understand this when you grow up.”
My mother taught me to dream: “I wish I had a kid who was more like my friend Anna’s son.”
My mother taught me about justice: “I hope your kids treat you as bad as you are treating your mother.”
Clarissa's Blog 
Very well thought out.
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Hilarious! Can’t say I can relate though. When I was growing up, all I remember my mother teaching me was a lot of math and science, which was great. 🙂
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Gooooood for you, my friend, good for you. 🙂
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My Mommy taught me about being a victim: Son, nobody can walk on you unless you lie down. 😉
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My mother taught me about the circle of life: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!” 🙂
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I see people are getting creative here. That’s great!! 🙂
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No, creative was trying to get the brother off while he was laying a beatdown and mom said, figure it out for yourself. lmao. 🙂
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🙂 🙂 🙂
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OMFG What’s up with this?
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Awww. This made me a little sad. There are some terrible mothers in the world (like that awful awful AWFUL woman you posted about above who refuses to allow her mentally disabled daugher to take Plan B when she was raped. I am STILL traumatized by that.) But I do think that the majority of mothers try their hardest and do the best they can. I know my mother made mistakes but I also know she tried her best and that she loved me (and continues to love me!) So this isn’t in the playful spirit of the meme, but I want to say that “My Mommy taught me how to love with my whole heart.” Sorry that I wasn’t funny or creative. You can delete if this was too sappy. 😉
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Happy stories are also very important because they show us that things can be different.
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Writing down my father’s memoirs, a recurring theme is: “My mother’s judgement was impaired. She put me in dangerous situations.” I have a sense that this was only sometimes true, but certainly that my grandmother lacked any real sensitivity to growing minds.
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