Reader el asks:
How should one deal with regrets about the past? How not to end up like this 70 year old person? Do you have any philosophical approach / take on the topic?
I think that if you are 70 (80, 90, 100), it makes sense to remember that you are not the same person today who did or didn’t do the things you now regret. Every cell in your body has been renewed (and probably several times over, too) in the years that passed since then. It doesn’t make sense to judge that completely different person for what s/he did all that time ago. This person’s only fault is that s/he wasn’t a fortune-teller and couldn’t predict what this older version would value and want. Some people manage to predict it but some don’t.
Also, these long-term analyses of either one’s past or one’s future are fairly unproductive. I suggest creating a detailed version of what you want your life to be in five years. This is something you can do at 70 as well as at 17. Imagine in as much detail as possible what you want your life in five years to look. Where do you wake up in the morning? With whom? How do the bed sheets look? What is the bathroom like? Where do you go after having breakfast? What do you do there and for how long?
After you create this precise vision (that, of course, can always be modified as the time progresses), you will find it much easier to elaborate a series of steps needed to create the life you want. But be careful: it has to be the life YOU want. Don’t allow the pictures from glossy magazines and movies or the ideas of other people to define your vision. If you do that, then I can pretty much guarantee that you will have a lot of regrets later on.
Clarissa's Blog 
I think it also helps to remember that there’s no such thing as a sure thing; you can’t be certain that if you did or didn’t do something, the results would be any better than what you got.
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Always err on the side of doing something rather than not doing it.
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I totally disagree. Once in the 1970’s I decided not to fly 200 miles from Ithaca NY to Wilmington DE because I suspected there were thunderstorms in the way. I still believe it was the right decision, even though I had to pay another night’s tie-down at the Ithaca airport and involved some awkward rearranging of schedules.
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I would still call that erring on the side of doing something, since hurrying off to work is not a means of doing very much.
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I was not hurrying off to work; during summer break, I can work anywhere. I was just going back home. The do/do not do decision was just whether to fly.
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Don’t allow the pictures from glossy magazines and movies or the ideas of other people to define your vision. If you do that, then I can pretty much guarantee that you will have a lot of regrets later on.
So true. I know so many people who believe their life should be a certain way just because living this way is cool/fashionable/something their parents/friends/spouse want, not because something they want. These people invariably end up extremely unhappy.
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In the last 15 years, or so, if I experience regret, it is only for moments or, in extreme cases, for some hours. Almost immediately I remember I’m learning from all that I do. I always feel better and tend to even move into gratitude for my mistakes because those teach me the most.
As for planning for the future, your method is one I used to try to use. It didn’t work for me beyond comforting me with the illusion that I could control the unknowable. I suspect someone (I’m assuming this about you, clarissasblog) with the capacity for and dependable reliance on logical and linear thought processes, the plan-it and make it happen (modifying as needed) might work well. Defffffinitely it doesn’t work for me. I dwell comfortably in knowing I can’t know the future and feel comforted most when I am fully in the present moment.
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I have to write a five year plan to put on my martial arts exam form. I’m thinking of putting “more steel”, but I’m not sure how appropriate that would be.
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IMO, regrets are not useful.
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Why regretting?
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I attempt to live my life by these beautiful words. 🙂
Yesterday, today and tomorrow
There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we’ve said – yesterday is gone.
The other day we shouldn’t worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities,
Its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.
Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise. And until it does,we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day – today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time!
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@David, it is still a “do.” Do make a decision, do do what you feel is best, do find an alternative to flying, don’t hesitate to respect your gut feeling.
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