The nurse is saying I look exactly like Lucy from I Love Lucy. I don’t know anything about the show but the title so I had to ask if she’s at least a good character. The nurse said she is and asked if I wanted to be visited by clergy. I’m currently hopped up on morphine, so I’m not sure if I gave the right answer.

As you probably gathered, I’m at the ER. I had one of those nausea + chest pain episodes, and this time it was so bad I had to go to the ER. Of course, the moment they heard the words “chest tightness, age 41,” they grabbed me, pumped me full of morphine, and started sticking me into CT scans, chest x-rays, etc. I hate being such an invalid and am now wondering if I’ve been too alarmist. I have tons of morphine back home, so maybe I should have just taken it and stayed home.

At least, I hope somebody finally finds out what causes this because it’s very debilitating and I hate it. But I’ve got to tell you, folks. Morphine is good. I’m feeling very friendly towards the world right now. It’s creepy.

Have you heard about the scandal over a poem that has been erased from a university facade in Berlin?

Is the story about sexism? Cultural appropriation? Disrespect for art? Trampling on the freedom of speech?

To me, the only real issue here is crappy poetry. But that’s the only thing nobody is discussing.

Klara loves the snowman cookie. She eats it around the face and then talks to the face, caresses it, and tells it jokes. After she falls asleep, I end up eating those cookie faces and feeling like an evildoer who killed the snowman.

When my sister was here in December, she taught me how to order at the Starbucks drive-thru window. I resisted because it all seemed very complex but she practically forced me to do it. And now, of course, I’m addicted to the process if not the product (I always feel like the instant coffee I have at home tastes the best). But I feel cooler than the North Pole ordering my drive-thru coffee and arriving at work at 7:30 am.

“Lives are at stake and the lives of Dreamers are more important to me than bricks,” said Representative Luis Gutierrez of Illinois, one of the House’s most outspoken Democrats on immigration reform. “If advocates would reject any money for Trump’s wall in exchange for freedom and legalization and eventual citizenship for the Dreamers, I understand their choice, but for my part, I would lay bricks myself if I thought it would save the Dreamers.”

This is the party I want to belong to. A party that values people over empty symbolic gestures. A party of real passion and not of fake outrage.

So folks, tell me honestly. Is taking melatonin a really bad idea?

I’ve never even known what it means to spend less than an hour lying there with my eyes closed until I finally fall asleep. And an hour is a good night. Usually it’s longer.

So I took melatonin for the last 3 nights and it’s been amazing. I feel so rested and energetic, even after getting up at 6. But I fear that something that feels this great must be really shitty.

Does anybody around here know anything about it? You know how I feel about any medication. I see a Tylenol pill and think that a severe heroin addiction is the next step. And obviously I don’t trust anything that Google can find on it.

And finally, a good, heart-warming story from Russia. No, I’m not being sarcastic. And it’s all true.

Obviously, I had a lot more obstacles on my way than this fellow. But why don’t I feel in the least sorry for myself? Is he faking it because he knows it’s what sells or is he sincere? I’d much rather he were faking it because the alternative is just too embarrassing.

I didn’t like Tammy Duckworth but now that she is pregnant at 49, I positively adore her. And I just discovered she gave birth to her first daughter at 46.

Finally, I can say that a politician is being inspiring.

Tuesdays are crazy for me. I’m out of the house by 7 am, I prep my courses until 9:30, then I teach 3 classes one after another with no breaks to speak of.

Then I rush home, answer the advising / the association / the union / the sorority related emails, pack up Klara’s dinner and ballet outfit, rush to the daycare, change Klara into ballet gear, drive her to the dance school while she eats her dinner in the backseat, stare stupidly and happily at a wall for the 30 minutes that the class lasts, and then drive her home. She is of course full of energy after the class and eager to have fun. N comes home after 9 pm on Tuesdays, so the evening routine is on me.

So in the midst of all this crazy rushing, I ask my device to tell me the news and it regales me with a story from the NYTimes where an individual endowed with extreme chirpiness informs the world that a border wall is a bad idea because “it promotes borders and divisions between people.” The idea that such smug cluelessness exists is hard to contemplate in and of itself. But having it inflicted on you in the midst of a very busy day is beyond aggravating.

Since when does “news” stand for “very simple-minded and aggressively ignorant people opining obnoxiously on issues completely beyond their meager powers of comprehension”?