We had the funeral today. It was a very private event, to the extent that it is possible to make it private in this culture. All N and I could deal with at this point was going to the cemetery alone and spending some time there together.
In this country, cemeteries are a lot more integrated into daily life than in my culture. I’m used to cemeteries being secluded, hidden behind trees, obscured from view. Our local cemetery, on the other hand, is located right in front of an entertainment complex. There is also a residential area consisting of very expensive mansions facing it. I have no idea how people manage to spend their lives staring at graves and funeral processions.
The cemetery markets itself as a place where people should come to take walks “in a peaceful, beautiful setting filled with exotic geese and ducks.” And people do come for that purpose even though we have beautiful hiking trails and flower-filled university gardens where there are no graves or grieving folks.
I’m used to graves being separated from each other with fences and gates. Here, however, all graves sit together (and sometimes even on top of each other, as we were told today), so there is no way to signal that company is not welcome.
It took us forever to get rid of people who wanted to offer us rides back to the funeral home (across 200 feet of space), pray with us, tell us about their church, stare at us, or engage in a conversation.
When we were finally left on peace, we talked and cried together. We felt completely exhausted after that because grief is strangely tiring. But we also felt better. On our way from the cemetery I felt like the burden of grief had become lighter because we left some of it back there.
Clarissa's Blog 
Clarissa, I have been away for a few weeks and am only now catching up with your blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and N.
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A very sad day. Hugs to you and N.
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It is hard to imagine what you are going through…
Can I virtually hug both of you?
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I didn’t call today because I didn’t want to intrude on you and N. and your time together. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I love you, my dear friend, and I am so very, very sorry. I’ll call you tomorrow. xo
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thinking about you all day. I love you, my dear friend, and I am so very, very sorry. I’ll call tomorrow. xo
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What a sad day. Hugs and love to you both.
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It is good, leaving some of the grief in the graveyard.
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Wow, what happened to you guys just left me speechless, it’s hard for me to process bad things because I tend to live in a bubble. Just want to say that I wish I could hug you and N, that must be the worst feeling in the world to experience 😦 Poor Eric 😦
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Hugs and hope it becomes easier for you and N.
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Hugs to both of you, Clarissa and N.
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I’m glad you two feel a little better.
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Clarissa,
You and N are in my thoughts. From having to deal with the death of my father I can say it won’t always be easy, but the best thing you can do is deal with it the way that you and N. feel is best. Very pleased to hear that you two were able to begin to deal with it in your own way. Hugs and best wishes
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I’d missed reading your blog for a while, and had to go back a few posts to find out what had happened, and whose funeral it was. What a sad thing to happen.
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What a sad day, but a funeral is an end point – laying to rest your little boy – and a beginning point. I wish you both well in what comes next.
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My heart goes to you and N. What an ordeal to go through.
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