Hurt Feelings

Klara learned how to play chess at school. Her grandparents gave her a chess set for her birthday and now we play at home. It isn’t easy because she refuses to eat my pieces.

“I know I could eat this pawn, Mommy,” she says. “But I won’t because that will hurt its feelings.”

The same thing happens when I say something like, “We aren’t going to buy this butter because it’s not very good.”

“Shhhh!” she says. “You will hurt the butter’s feelings. It’s not its fault that it isn’t very good.”

Those who know me well realize that she isn’t getting this from me.

8 thoughts on “Hurt Feelings”

  1. My six-year-old is getting pretty good at chess. He takes great glee in pulling off pins and skewers. We are trying to get him to take other people’s feelings into account by being a good sport.

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    1. I don’t care about academics of sports, or dumb stuff like that. What I do care about is that she can identify, process and safely resolve emotions. If a mother doesn’t teach it to her children, they address that problem later in life with addiction, eating disorders, self-destructive behaviors, etc.

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  2. When I was a kid, when somebody said “you hurt my feelings” we would just laugh. Feelings were not something people cared much about. I guess where there are real problems, feelings take the back seat. So when my kids started preschool and started using this touchy feely language, I was taken aback. I knew I can’t laugh it off since the culture here is to respect these hurt feelings and I apologized every time they told me there is a discomfort in the feeling area. But this can be very convenient when you play this game. When they disobeyed or talked back, I’d tell them they are hurting MY feelings and they would usually start behaving.

    Eventually we all stopped playing snowflakes. They are teenagers now, there are no feelings, just talking back or plain ignoring me. So enjoy the feelings time while it lasts.

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  3. In elementary school my daughter entered the chess tournament. She and her female opponent eventually got bored of playing each other and called a tie. Not a peep of interest in winning.

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