A Win for Marriage Equality and a Loss for Russians

N. has a typically Russian name that ends with an “a.” In Russian, your last name has to end with an “a” for you to be a woman, not the first name.

So yesterday N. called an insurance company and introduced himself. Let’s imagine that his name is “Misha Ivanov.”

As soon as the insurance company employee heard this name, she started addressing him as “Mrs. Ivanov.”

N. felt it would sound stupid to respond with something like “I’m a man”, so he decided to drop a hint and mentioned that his wife was also going to drive the car he was insuring (even though I don’t drive yet.)

Still, the insurance company employee continued addressing him as “Mrs. Misha” and “Mrs. Ivanov.” Apparently, it was easier for her to accept gay marriage than recognize the possibility that a male name can end with an “a.”

“What about Santa Claus, though?” my father asked when he heard this story. I didn’t know what to respond. I get to sign for N.’s packages all the time because postal workers refuse to believe that a big, burly man can be called “Misha.”

Is This What Asperger’s Looks Like?

David Gendron brought the following Facebook comment to this blog:

My lover has Asperger’s. Practically, it means that he never ask me “How are you?”, that he rarely takes the time to hear from me, that he gives me the same red roses for my anniversary even if I tell him each year that I prefer wild flowers, that, when he’s at our house, he helps me one time out of three to carry grocery bags, that he expects me to prepare regularly home meals for him, that I walk always beside him (not in the back nor in front) when we take walks, even though he walks faster than me, that he bawls out to me when I walk one inch behind him, that he needs to talk to me endlessly about his electronic stuff, that he never answers to my questions even if the answer is simply “yes” or “no”, that he talks to me all the time or that he ignores me totally.

But he’s not narcissic nor egoïst. He has Asperger’s and I love him.

I have heard a similar speech quite often, so let me tell you the following: there is NO diagnosis, NO condition, NO disease, NO life situation, NO issue that entitles anybody to treat people like crap. There is absolutely no excuse to treat a human being in a way described in this comment. If anybody does anything to you that you are not 100% comfortable with, you are absolutely entitled to put a stop to that immediately. They can have a list of diagnoses from here to the Moon, but if you are not 100% comfortable, you have the right to get out.

Of course, it’s up to you how much you are willing to tolerate. Just remember that putting up with this sort of garbage has nothing to do with love. And neither does behaving in this way.

I also find it quite offensive that some jerkwad would use Asperger’s to justify walking all over this idiot of a girlfriend. Yes, people with Asperger’s often find it very hard to navigate their way through personal relationships. They are, however, perfectly capable of learning, adapting, compromising, and creating very fulfilling personal lives if that is what they want to do.

And as for expecting some subservient air-head to prepare home cooked meals, can anybody in their right mind really think this can be a symptom of anything but being a jerk?

Jeez, what lies wouldn’t people tell themselves to avoid facing their problems.

Am I a Cheapo?

Normally, I am the opposite of frugal. I warned N. from the start that any financial planning and money saving will have to be done by him because I’m useless at it. And since he is phenomenal at these activities, we complement each other very well.

However, I have discovered one area of existence where I balk at the idea of spending big amounts of money. And that’s buying expensive things for an infant. The infant will not be capable of appreciating anything that can be bought with money, right?* I haven’t spent much time with infants in the past 30 years but I believe that what they need is to be completely sure that they will be fed, protected, comforted and cuddled whenever they want to.

I’ve tried to analyze this reluctance and all I got is that I do have a massive problem with people trying to give others not what those others really need but what they have decided the others need.

Everybody who wants to buy expensive things for baby Eric (you know who you are!) is welcome to do so, however. Don’t let my issues stand in the way of yours. 🙂

* I can guarantee that he will be the very first among all his friends to get a car of his own, though. I also saw a tree-house that I really want to get him if we have a place to put it. All of this means, of course, that he will be one of those weird kids who want neither a tree-house nor a car. Maybe he’ll want a piano and then I’ll just have to jump off a cliff.

Crib Bedding Sets

So how does everybody feel about crib bedding sets? I’m seeing some very complex 13-piece bedding sets for cribs that cost up to $350. They look beautiful but seem kind of useless. You obviously can’t use a pillow or a blanket or a quilt. There is basically nothing you can use except a fitted sheet and a bumper curtain.

Some people are suggesting I’m a cheapo for feeling like this bedding set would be a waste of money. “We can’t deprive the baby!” N announced so dramatically that you’d think I suggested we use the toilet bowl in lieu of a bath tub and a toilet rug instead of a receiving blanket.

Did you buy a bedding set or are you a cheapo like me?