The point of the series on narcissism is to help me. However, I don’t want to be helped at the expense of other people and their progress in dealing with their issues. So if after reading these posts, you find yourself going in the direction of “I haven’t experienced anything as hard-core, so what do I have to complain about?”, please stop. I don’t want you to go in this direction. This is counterproductive and sad.
Remember, the only measure of parenting success is the happiness of a grown child. Are you ecstatically happy in your personal and professional life? Are you unfamiliar with feelings of constant guilt and anxiety? Do you never experience chronic fatigue, apathy, inexplicable sadness? If so, then congratulations, your parents did an amazing job, I’m happy for you.
However, if you constantly feel that things are not working out for you, if you are unhappy in the major areas of human existence, if you are constantly exhausted even after having tons of rest, if you engage in addictive compensatory behaviors (smoking, drinking, gaming, gambling, high-risk behaviors, overeating, cutting, etc.), if you experience anxiety on a regular level, then it’s time to grow up and realize that this is not normal. Somebody fucked up really bad for you to be in this place. Of course, this doesn’t mean that somebody in your family had to be a narcissist. There is a million and one ways of messing up a person that don’t have anything to do with narcissism.
Things will only start getting better when you recognize that living in misery is not normal. Happiness is the only normal state of human existence. After acknowledging this, you will be able to start walking away from misery.
And for those who have narcissists in their lives, remember: narcissism is a personality disorder. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t in any way depend on what you do or don’t do. The narcissist is this way because of his or her own narcissistic trauma that predates your existence. Every day, a narcissist makes a choice to keep victimizing people instead of getting better. This is not about you. You are not to blame. You can’t help a narcissist because she or he is not asking for help. The narcissist is having a blast while you cringe in misery. The only person here in need of help is you.