Why Do We See So Many Helicoptering Parents Now?

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Clarissa

February 3, 2013

The answer is simple: in the 1980s the feminist backlash begins and at the exact same time Dr. Sears starts to peddle his attachment parenting crap. His The Baby Book came out in 1993. This means that the infantile layabouts produced by these phenomena would now be about 20 years old.

Unless we see a massive withdrawal from Sears’s pernicious experiment and a massive realization that parents who have no other interest in life than attaching themselves permanently to their child, we will continue observing a growing number of adults who can’t tie their shoelaces without their Mommy supervising the process.

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11 responses to “Why Do We See So Many Helicoptering Parents Now?”

musteryou

February 3, 2013

It makes perfect sense to me that attachment/enmeshment is not the way to go.

One of the benefits of my childhood was the almost Victorian era standoffishness that my parents adopted. Detachment has the wonderful result of bestowing a whole world to the imagination, that is unrelated to that of adults. It’s reminiscent of Lewis Carroll’s realm of the mind.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  February 3, 2013
  
  The especially dedicated adepts of this philosophy physically tie children to their own bodies and carry them around all day long and then hold them physically during sleep. The poor creatures aren’t allowed a millimeter of their own space or a nanosecond of their own time. There is no likelihood for any imagination developing in such a complete colonization of a child’s body and mind.
  
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  1. musteryou
    
    February 3, 2013
    
    That is, unfortunately, a part of traditional African culture, but not my own. Quite literally the mother ties her child to her body and gets on with any work she has to do.
    
    A lot of anti-colonialism is a return to bondage, I find.
    
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Kara K.

February 3, 2013

I didn’t have the greatest childhood (my mom was often downright neglectful), but as I matured I became a very driven, independent adult. Though things were sometimes difficult, I think having to spend a lot of time taking care of myself as a child helped to develop this strong sense of independence. I wasn’t one of those teenagers whose parents handheld me through 20 extracurriculars, honors courses and SATs, and thus I took a slightly longer path toward completing college and finding my way. In the end, however, I found that I had stronger internal motivation than my classmates and excelled even though I wasn’t guided into the advanced courses while in high school.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  February 3, 2013
  
  This is a great story! I think you have a lot to be proud of.
  
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kelly

February 3, 2013

no parents helicoptering. no cell. computer doesn’t work in my parent house because dad forgot password for his network

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Matt

February 3, 2013

I think one really important reason for all of this is simply for many women having and raising kids is the most successful thing they will ever do (or at least they view it that way). I am not meaning to be cynical or nasty with that, but I think that is such a huge part of it. The helicopter parents are usually stay-at-home moms… if you are a working person its much harder to become a helicopter parent. Again there are exceptions.. but for the women who view being a mom/house-wife as the best thing they ever do… how could they relinquish being involved?

Curious of your thoughts..perhaps you see this as part of the backlash to feminism that you describe.. but I do think my point is different.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  February 3, 2013
  
  Yes, you are right, it is absolutely right. It is so easy to make raising a child the only pursuit of your life because there is zero accountability, the child is completely powerless, you can feel God-like, you can manipulate at will. Relinquishing all that when there is no other area in one’s life where one is needed and has any power is extremely difficult. Many people can’t do it when their children are sixty. I’m seeing one such case right now, and it’s very sad on both sides.
  
  Another mother I know told her grown daughter, “My life has no meaning now that you have a life of your own. What should I live for?”
  
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David Gendron

February 4, 2013

We don’t have that in Québec.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  February 4, 2013
  
  My sister works in Quebec and had the experience of an angry Mommy bombarding her with calls after her 30-year-old son had a job interview. So yes, it does happen. 🙂
  
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  1. David Gendron
    
    February 4, 2013
    
    Yeah, but this occurs less often, especially on universities. (in high school, it’s almost the same thing than in US, though)
    
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