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I don’t want to hire any more women.
Yes, I said it. You cringed when you read it and I cringed when I wrote it, and even more so when the thought first occurred to me. I am a woman, a feminist, a mother, and a passionate entrepreneur. I don’t just stand for equality – I have crashed the glass ceiling in every aspect of my life. I get extremely angry when I come across articles that insist there are gender differences that extend beyond physiology. I am fortunate to have had female role models who taught me through their own examples that I can accomplish absolutely anything I desire.
Over the years, I have hired outstanding women – educated, intelligent and highly articulate. Yet, I am exhausted. I have become profoundly tired of being a therapist and a babysitter, of being drawn into passive-aggressive mental games and into constantly questioning my own worth as a manager. I have had several women who quit to stay home to “figure out what to do next”. No, not to stay home and care for children, but to mooch of a husband or a boyfriend while soul searching (aka: taking a language class or learning a new inapplicable skill that could be acquired after work). Incidentally, I have not had a single male employee quit with no plan in mind.
I have had women cry in team meetings, come to my office to ask me if I still like them and create melodrama over the side of the office their desk was being placed. I am simply incapable of verbalizing enough appreciation to female employees to satiate their need for it for at least a week’s worth of work. Here is one example to explain. My receptionist was resigning and, while in tears, she told me that although she was passionate about our brand and loved the job, she could not overcome the fact that I did not thank her for her work. It really made me stop in my tracks and so I asked for an example. “Remember when I bought the pictures with butterflies to hang in the front? And you just came and said ‘thank you’? That is a perfect example!” – “Wait”, I said, “So, I did thank you then?” – “Yes! But you did not elaborate on what exactly you liked about them! Why didn’t you?” She had bought them with the company credit card and I actually did not like them at all, but I digress.
I have developed a different approach for offering constructive criticism to male and female employees. When I have something to say to one of the men, I just say it! I don’t think it through – I simply spit it out, we have a brief discussion and we move on. They even frequently thank me for the feedback! Not so fast with my female staff. I plan, I prepare, I think, I run it through my business partner and then I think again. I start with a lot of positive feedback before I feel that I have cushioned my one small negative comment sufficiently, yet it is rarely enough. We talk forever, dissect every little piece of it, and then come back to the topic time and time again in the future. And I also have to confirm that I still like them – again and again, and again.
I am also yet to have a single male employee come to my office to give me dirt on a co-worker or share an awkward gossip-like story. My female employees though? Every. single. one.
When I opened my company, I was excited for many reasons. One of them was wanting to make it an amazing place for women to build their careers. After all, we were two women, both mothers with very small children, opening a company in a very competitive industry. I was going to celebrate the achievements of my female hires, encourage them to find their voices, celebrate their pregnancies and year-long maternity leaves, be understanding and accommodating when they would have to juggle work/daycare/school schedules. Yet, I had no idea that the problems women faced in their workplace were often far removed from the typical inequalities feminism continues to address. It is not men who sabotage women and stump their career growth – it is women themselves!
What is at the root of the problem? Lack of confidence? Wrong upbringing? What am I not seeing? Is there something else I should be doing as a manager? I welcome your comments, as I secretly continue placing the resumes of female applicants into the “call later” folder.
The post was written by a guest blogger but the veracity of every aspect of the story has been verified by Blogger Clarissa.
WARNING: People in the past 2 hours I have had to Spam 63 comments from losers who tried to inform me that “men and women are psychologically / emotionally, etc. different.” Once again, anybody who embarrasses him or herself by chirping idiotically “yes, men and women are different” will be banned outright. This will be my small investment into sparing these losers further public embarrassment. Stop wasting your time, such comments are not going through on my blog.
Clarissa's Blog 
One element missing in this discussion is the historical perspective. Please bear with me as a recount a story that will drive a point about the subject of this thread.
Prior to WWII, women simply weren’t in the workplace (excluding farming, of course). WWII put them into the workplace out of necessity, and after the war a good number wanted to stay there.
In the 1950s, my hypothesis is that working women weren’t taken seriously and some were used as executive playthings. There was an assertion that women were only in college or working to meet someone affluent to marry. Like TV today, the stereotypes portrayed on 1950s TV didn’t represent the population.
However, at least in the US, WWII followed by the US Supreme Court decision, Brown v. Board, gave energy to the Civil Rights movement. My hypothesis is that this movement in turn fostered a belief that society could be changed. Feminist leaders like Margaaret Atwood, Gloria Steinem, and Germaine Greer attended college and formed at least some of their political and activist beliefs against this backdrop.
Women have come a long way. However, as in the 1950s, there is a statistical distribution of attitudes and orientations, ranging from the “Hillary for President” to the “women are property of their husbands” points of view.
Points:
(1) How you recruit will affect the area of this spectrum from which your employees come.
That’s been proven over and over again in direct marketing. Are the participants in this blog familiar with the concept of market segmentation? It applies to hiring, too.
(2, or should it be 1A?) The attitudinal and behavioral variation among women parallels the variation that exists in blacks and Hispanics. Many carry stereotypes linking these groups and poverty, but there are current and past US Supreme Court justices who are black and the second richest man in the world is Mexican (Carlos Slim).
For that matter, Col. Jeannie Leavitt was tthe first woman fighter pilot in the US Air Force, and in 2012, became the first woman to be promoted to Wing Commander. My guess is that your recruiting efforts don’t find people of similar intelligence and ambition.
There’s also a simple fishing metaphor (and fishing actually has a parallel to hiring) which is: where you set your hook will affect what if anything you catch.
(2) During the Civil Rights struggle. there was a POV pushed by James Coleman that there was a relationship between race and intelligence. My father, who was a sociologist, was one of the leaders of the opposition. However, that argument seems a close parallel to the argument that “business intelligence” is linked to gender.
There’s a simple microeconomic exercise that shows that any company that practices discrimination underperforms because it doesn’t utilize the best people availble to it.
Thank you for bearing with the length of this post.
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Vic: thank you for this brilliant contribution! It is a great pleasure to have you comment on this blog.
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Thank you for your kind words. I wish I had more time to spend here. I quite enjoy the questions you pose.
By the way, my Website ends in .com, not “.c” which is what I’m seeing. I guess the software in truncating the address.
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I see the entire name of your website, with the .com part in my browser.
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“There’s a simple microeconomic exercise that shows that any company that practices discrimination underperforms because it doesn’t utilize the best people availble to it.”
Excellent points! And a more general point would be that nations that underutilize the intelligence of their female members also underperform. Furthermore those cultures and communities that make enemies of women suffer deeply from having unnecessary enemies!
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Samuel Clemons (aka Mark Twain), an author I highly recommend (particularly one of his final works, “Letters from the Earth”) seems to have wisdom to share on a variety of topics. You talk about making enemies of women; Twain said, “Where would men be without women? Mighty scarce, sir, mighty scarce.”
Dickens wrote that we are “all fellow travelers to the grave,” which is precise observation. We should be partners, making the path as enjoyable for one another as possible. Of course, “should” and sometimes “logic” mean nothing it seems.
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Sure. I come from a colonial past and I still feel the same about horses. “Where would humans BE without horses…?”
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Riding camels?
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Clarissa, This is my first time at your blog. Why do you enjoy ad hominem attacks so much? Do you think this attracts more readers? I liked the post and in the initial comments but it quickly digressed into…an office full of petty women. I’ll not be back.
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“Why do you enjoy ad hominem attacks so much?”
– Because it entertains me.
” Do you think this attracts more readers?”
– My motivation in writing this blog is solely to entertain myself.
“I’ll not be back.”
– What a tragedy.
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I’ve never seen these orifices of petty women that seem to dwell in the imaginations of so many.
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Are you at all concerned that any of your applicants might take legal action against you for discrimination since you just publicly disclosed that you discriminate in your organization’s hiring practices?
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Are you at all concerned that leaving idiotic comments without reading either the post or the thread makes you look like an idiot air-head?
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Funny, this sounds like almost every work environment women I have dated talk about when we get home and discuss our days! I figured it was them because I work in a predominantly male field. However, we do have three female engineers now and the amount of “drama” increase in the last year compared to the previous 10 years has doubled.
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“What is at the root of the problem?”
Hormones. Plain and simple. Higher Testosterone makes you suck up pain/discomfort and just get on with it. It also makes you more confident in your work and well-being, without the whole please-validate-me-and-sing-my-praises dance that comes with femininity.
You can’t alter biology, but you can increase your natural levels with exercise. Maybe all the power-feminists here should try it some time, instead of playing passive-aggressive mind games and doing the victim routine.
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“Higher Testosterone makes you suck up pain/discomfort and just get on with it. It also makes you more confident in your work and well-being, without the whole please-validate-me-and-sing-my-praises dance that comes with femininity.”
– Then what happened to your testosterone to make you such a pathetic, wimpy wuss?
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“Maybe all the power-feminists here should try it some time, instead of playing passive-aggressive mind games and doing the victim routine.”
– Why don’t you show the way and stop being such a whiny victim?
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“Maybe all the power-feminists here should try it some time, instead of playing passive-aggressive mind games and doing the victim routine.”
I always love it when the self-proclaimedly masculine types also take on the ultra-feminine role:
http://unsanesafe.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/lessons-of-life.html
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Well, it has been said that every individual carries a mix of both “male” and “female” stereotypical personality characteristics. With friends in the transgender community, its clear that physical and psychological gender can be quite different things — another point we haven’t discussed.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/sexual-orientation-gender/gender-gender-identity-26530.htm
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Absolutely true.
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Hello Ma’am,
Im not sure to what extend I understood the post. But I disagree, sure some traits that you mentioned do exist in women employees but on an over all, there are many women employees I have worked and studied under, thoroughly professional, women I look upto to be like them. Infact, I have worked for an year as well and I never exhibited any of those qualities but hard work. Probably, its about upbringing, professionalism & if you enjoy the career you pursue. I have seen men, who gossip, cry for the amount of work given to them, never serious about work. I think its all about the kind of a person you are and got nothing to do with women in general. Its an opinion. I don’t mean to call you wrong. You had your experiences and I had mine.
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An observation I’m wondering if others can validate or maybe it’s just me:
My younger male employees are increasingly displaying the behaviors described in this post. I read through it and it’s a pretty accurate description of them; Increasing need for validation, coddling, hand holding, reassurance. They haven’t cried yet but they certainly have a hard time taking criticism, seeing it as a sign I don’t like them and as a sign of complete failure. Some of my female employees behave this way too (not all) but none of my older (read over 32) male employees do. My younger female employees are actually less that way than the male ones.
Hypothesis:
Millennial (I hate that word) males, especially the highly educated ones, are used to being coddled and praised. They come to the workplace expecting it to be like their Ivy League school where they were continuously told they were the best thing since sliced bread and are destined for greatness. They also expect workplaces to be more friendly and casual than their dad’s workplaces (definitely in startups). Lastly, they are encouraged to be sensitive, more in touch with their feelings etc. (which is great btw but not in a professional setting). They were never taught how to be an adult in a professional setting. Older males were brought up in a time when it was clear what professional behavior was.
Millennial females, are actually being taught they should be more male like, more aggressive, more cut throat and are therefore actually less likely to exhibit those truly annoying and frustrating behaviors described in this post. Not that they don’t do it at all but I’m observing much more openess to criticism and less freaking out than older female employees.
Background: We are a US based startup, I’m the founder/CEO and a woman, my management style is ultra professional (“we are here to produce, not to socialize”). Also, (for El) I’m Israeli.
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Reblogged this on Plagiarized News & Views.
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I’m late to the game here, but I find myself wondering if the people who quit to “figure out what to do next” simply didn’t want to tell the guest blogger where they were actually going to be working next, for whatever reason.
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We are talking about a pretty small town. This is not a mystification you can pull off there. 🙂
These are Millenials. They find it very easy to float around.
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How about treating ALL employees the same way? I mean that is what feminism is all about, is it not? Why can you be blunt with male employees but you gotta “watch your words” around female employees? Catering to the females because their feelings might be hurt is counter productive to your business AND your boss-employee dynamic. Personally if I knew my boss was taking it easy on my female co workers just because they were female, I’d lay on my ass and quit all effort.
Also notice all the special accommodations you were ready to give women when you opened your company: Year long maternal leaves? Be understanding and accommodate their schedules? Do you think men would need such pampering in your job? Just ask yourself, shouldn’t THEY be accommodating to YOUR company, not the other way around? Who do you think picks up the slack during that year long maternity leave? Who would be more likely to work overtime? Holidays? Late shifts? Etc? Your male or female workers?
You stumbled onto the answer yourself: You know who is impeding women from having a career? Women themselves… The answer’s staring at you in the face, and your inability to accept the answer is what is puzzling me. How about we actually hold women responsible for their own actions like the adults they are and instead of blaming society or some sort of Illuminati secret society or fictional social issues.
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“Year long maternal leaves? Be understanding and accommodate their schedules? Do you think men would need such pampering in your job? Just ask yourself, shouldn’t THEY be accommodating to YOUR company, not the other way around? Who do you think picks up the slack during that year long maternity leave? Who would be more likely to work overtime? Holidays? Late shifts? Etc? Your male or female workers?”
– It is extremely obnoxious to see people crowd an overlong thread with these inanities. Workers on maternity and paternity leave are substituted by temp workers. What else are you curious about? How to tie your own shoe-laces? What day of the week it is?
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Nice doublethink there, prohibiting the actual message that the writer outright implies.
Maybe you should check your “sis privilege”, sis ter.
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It always amazes me when people come to a discussion, see that it contains hundreds of comments and believe it is absolutely crucial for them to add some absolutely meaningless, poorly written bit of idiocy.
What “actual message”? How can anybody “outright imply”? What kind of a brainless maniac uses the word “privilege”?
And most importantly, Paul Yotsuba, why are you so irredeemably stupid?
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Honest question for your self reflection, I won’t be checking back to this blog in the future: Why do you believe a difference in physiology cannot lead to a difference in mentality?
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Because the belief that a difference in physiology leads to a difference in mentality lies at the core of Nazism. And I’m not a Nazi. Maybe instead of stupidly trolling websites you should just go read a book, educate yourself. It’s shameful to be so ignorant and ask such idiotic questions at your age.
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Hi, thanks for the article it’s been entertaining to read and interesting as well.
I came to think that maybe you simply hired the “wrong” persons. Questions for you : What is your hiring process ?
Do you have rather long interviews ?
Do you hire on the spot when the interview went well ?
Do you check the qualifications and then validate the “fit” factor ?
How many interviews before you hire someone ?
I don’t know the first thing about your business to be honest but I’m thinking maybe you’re hiring someone too fast.
What do you think ?
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You speak my mind! I too am a woman, feminist, educated, career driven, mother, wife, and artist. All of my supervisors have been women. My last supervisor who was a high level leader at a large public university seemed to prefer hiring men over women, however she was a micro manager to a point of sabotage. In my current job, my boss, a woman as well, is hands off and I truly appreciate it. The biggest issue is that I work with 28 women and 2 men. Due to the size of our offices, we share offices. I share an office with 2 other women.
One is very much like me – we come in, focus, get our jobs done, and go home. Not so much for our office mate #3. She is exhausting, draining, emotionally toxic, neurotic, to say the least. I believe it may be a generational thing. Both my colleague and I who are alike are Gen Xers, our colleague is a Millennial. You may have already done some research, but Millennials tend to be the generation “where everyone receives a trophy”, and cannot handle rejection. They are the reason why anti-depressants prescriptions are increasing. My neurotic colleagues is always afraid of not pleasing others and handles rejection very poorly. Simple example: An “all staff” email was sent out to remind everyone about the dress code. She internalized it and emailed her director with apologies and how she felt single out and how unfair it was. The rest of us, just deleted it and understood it for what it was. A reminder, and although some were breaking the dress code, no one was directly being punished for it. A very innocuous email, and we had to wipe our co-worker off the floor. Sadly, this is indicative of the majority of the women in our workplace. This type of behavior is detrimental for the organization because it affects those who are really trying to complete their work and be focused for what we are paid to do. I, like you, am tired of babysitting and being a therapist. I have deadlines!
So I completely understand your reasons as to why you do not want to hire women and they are completely valid. Now, let’s raise our girls to learn to put their big girl pants on 😉
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List does raise an interesting argument that, in western society, women are socialized to want to know what the rules are and play within them, while men are socialized to want to bend and break them. He hypothesizes that as one factor contributing to disparities in salary by gender.
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oh.. I really empathize with this. I am transgender woman.. and while many men despise me for that.. I would rather deal with their open hostility than the furtive underhand manipulations from other women 😥
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Commenting on this thread is closed. If you still feel that you have something important to contribute, post your comment in this spillover thread: https://clarissasblog.com/2015/03/31/i-dont-want-to-hire-women-spillover-thread/
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I never really knew women quit for those reasons. I’m female and I have noticed I am more likely to get an interview with a male than a female in snr mgt. I have no idea what the prejudice is but I am a very competent hard worker and I hope women will look beyond emotions or even jealousy, to support other women who have good skills, diligence, great personality and make good employees. Not all of us have emotional problems but many of us do have compassion and kindness and brains besides a good work ethic. I hope we see each other as human beings rather than male or female.
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I was employed at a large corporation (400k employees) and experienced none of those problems.
I am now a manager at a business with 120 employees and what you said is exactly what I’ve experienced.
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Interesting.
Finally, a useful comment in the thread.
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Not only are women destroying relationship/marriages, now they are destroying businesses too. i have been saying for many years women oppress themselves. I guess women need to man up.
If women believe they are being oppressed they will find it a way to oppress themselves because that’s what they are focusing on. Having a higher standard is the only way.
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js
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It would be great if you started practicing what you preach and had a higher standard for your own comments. This one is pathetically bad.
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I have worked in two head offices and can attest to what the author is saying. After working with 100’s of women I would say 90% of women are like this. They are horrible to work with.
I have seen female managers and other female employees take out younger or more attractive women. Only to hire their friends and family. Women have a scorched earth mentality it’s awful. I have never seen a male manager act like this, I have seen only 1 act inappropriately but who would never had fired someone and dragged them down to nothing. All bullies I have faced and seen in the workplace have been women. All the bullying in College and University I’ve seen was by women to other women. Men just get along or work together even if we don’t like one another.
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You only see what you are prepared to see. It’s called confirmation bias. I suggest you read up on it, and you’ll solve your problem.
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